Something About Us
by lastoftheenglishroses
Summary: "Staying out of his life, at best, is the least I can do for him now." AH/EXB
1. 4:15 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 4:15 PM**

_I am only responsible for my own heart, you offered yours up for the smashing, my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ. -Anais Nin_

Unless you're looking to learn more about minor league baseball or yoga, my mother isn't anyone you'd go to for advice. In fact, I haven't asked her for a thing since she walked out on my dad when I was eleven. But right now, for whatever reason, her voice keeps butting its way into my thoughts.

I must have been eight or nine when I'd tagged along to one of her tripped out hippie gatherings in Seattle. A woman from her group had been in an accident and a man with a doctorate in hypnosis and meditation was going to help her "overcome" the pain. What they weren't expecting was for the woman in question to be as weary as she was. So my mom, always the team player, volunteered to be hypnotized first, at which point she was "sent back" to her childhood. When she returned to our table she started telling me all about a night she'd spent at her friend's house as a kid, and how she could still smell the wet nail polish. She was gushing about how that smell still always made her think about the weekly sleep overs they used to share.

After a few minutes of my silence I found her smiling down at what I'm sure was a perplexed expression. Then she giggled.

_"Sense of smell has the strongest ties to memory, kiddo."_

You can probably guess that such wise words were followed by a pinch on the cheek before she turned around and focused all of her attention on the rest of the meeting.

It only took two decades but I finally understand what she meant. For days I've mentally prepared myself, and now it's moot. The sight of him was near crippling during the ceremony, but this, right now, is hell. I'm on the verge of actually holding my breath because his scent is that invasive.

With his breath on my shoulder, I can close my eyes and pretend I'm not wearing this dress and he's not in a tux. I can almost feel the skin of his bare chest against my back. I should have known his absence at the rehearsal dinner would be the last of my luck this weekend. I should have known there's only so much distance the maid of honor can put between herself and the best man. Since my life is filled with such comedic twists, it's no wonder that everyone in the wedding party thought it would be hilarious to do a prom pose for the wedding album.

I've felt his stare all day but I haven't returned it once. If I do, I know I'll never be able to stand by my decision, and that's just not an option.

Staying out of his life, at best, is the least I can do for him now.


	2. August 3, 2001

**Friday, August 3, 2001**

_And that's when I know it's over. As soon as you start thinking about the beginning, it's the end. -_Junot Diaz, _This Is How You Lose Her_

"Honey, you're going to have to talk to him eventually!"

My mother's voice faded more the faster I pedaled. My father had called for me three times since the day before and I had no interest in talking to him. Being cooped up in the new house had been bad enough but that was the last straw. I didn't care how hot it was. I was determined to ride my bike until my legs were too tired to take me any farther. I was on my sixth or seventh lap around the neighborhood when I was startled by a blur of blue and orange. I squeezed the handlebar breaks and looked behind me as my bike slowed down.

A kid that looked about my age was standing, smiling with a basketball under his arm. His blue shirt read _Forks Little League _and his white shorts looked a few sizes too big as they hung low on his waist.

"You just moved here right?" he shouted as I turned my bike around and began riding over to him. I nodded yes, wondering what this kid could possibly want. "Since you don't look like a six year old girl, I'm guessing you're the twelve year old boy?" he asked and I nodded again. He smiled real big before turning around and waving for me to follow and, for whatever reason, I did.

I hopped off and walked my bike over to his lawn before resting it on the grass. When I looked up he tossed me the ball.

"So... New kid... Can you talk?" I smiled and shot for the hoop on his garage.

"Sorry. I'm Edward." The ball bounced off the rim and I winced. Basketball wasn't really my thing. The kid chased after the ball, catching it before it rolled into the street. He turned around and took a shot from the end of the driveway, relieving me of any embarrassment when he missed by several feet.

"I'm Emmett. I suck at basketball and we're in the same class." He threw the ball back to me and I laughed.

Emmett continued to fill me in on how his dad was the chief of police and that's how he knew who I was, though he followed that up with the fact that he probably would have known anyway because "everyone knows everything about everyone else in this god damn town." We exchanged some information about Forks and Chicago. He told me I should sign up for the baseball team and I told him one day I'd show him what real pizza was like.

I wasn't sure how long we were playing for but eventually we were interrupted by the front door of his house opening.

"Em, dinner's ready. Say goodbye to your friend and come inside."

That was all it took.

A simple glance of jean shorts and skin and I was stunned in place while Emmett ran by me to snatch up the ball that was somehow no longer in my hands.

"Sorry, man. My sister made lasagna. Like, the kind with the meat. It's my favorite. But you should come over tomorrow. My dad has the day off and he's taking me and my friend Garrett to La Push to go to the beach." I nodded my approval, still unable to speak. "Sweet. Just come over at like nine."

Then he was gone, leaving me alone with the images of smooth legs and bare toes following me as I walked to retrieve my bike.

By the time I'd reached my house I had convinced myself I was acting crazy. _My new friend's sister was just like every other teenage girl and I needed to stop picturing her stupid legs._ I was distracted from these thoughts when I walked through the door and to my left I saw mom on the floor of the parlor, surrounded by pieces of wood and empty box with a picture of a TV stand on it. It was obvious she hadn't heard me come in. Her head was cradled in her hands, one of which held a screw driver. My gut twisted and I cleared my throat. She looked up in surprise before plastering a large smile on her face that quickly turned into confusion when she noticed my sweaty appearance.

"Sweetie, what on earth have you been up to?" I shrugged and made my way over to her, sitting down on the floor next to her and picking up the directions she'd tossed aside. I cringed as I felt my t-shirt stick to the skin on my back.

"Met a boy from around the corner. We were just playing basketball in his driveway for a while. He asked me to go to the beach tomorrow?"

Her responding smile was so big that I felt more grateful for her that I'd made a friend than I felt for myself.

"That's wonderful, honey. As long as there's a parent present, I don't mind," she paused and I nodded quickly. She smiled again. "You should invite him over here sometime, too. I didn't buy a house with a nice big pool for it to stay empty all the time." I shrugged again and held my hand out for the tool she was holding. "Oh, you don't have to help, Edward. Why don't you go upstairs and get cleaned up?"

"I will. After we get this done." She opened her mouth to argue but I cut her off. "Mom. I can't watch the Cubs on the little TV anymore." She smiled and sighed, giving into the exhaustion that was written all over her face.

She normally hid it pretty well, but I was young, not stupid. Even a twelve year old can see that a husband leaving his wife and children for another woman is going to take a lot to come back from. If it weren't for some nurse at the hospital in Chicago having known that they needed a new pediatrician in her old home town, mom would have been stuck having her nose rubbed in the whole situation day after day. Anger built up in my chest just at the thought of my dad but I squashed it down. She didn't need to deal with me being angry on top of everything else.

Forty-five minutes later we were finished. She was smiling and looking on proudly as I picked up the extra screws I was praying weren't supposed to have been used at some point.

"You go shower. I'm gonna go check on your sister and I'll have dinner waiting for you in the kitchen when you're done." She patted me on the head as she passed.

I wondered if it was easier for her to be around my sister than it was to be around me. Everyone always said I looked just like dad. We had the same brownish-red hair, same nose, even the same name. I think it hurt her to look at _me_ whereas Vicky didn't look anything like him. Her hair was bright red and her round little face was covered in freckles. She looked like the pictures of Nana mom used to keep in the hall of our house back home.

After cleaning up I headed back downstairs where I was met with the smell of my mom's spaghetti. My mind wandered back to the pretty girl who made her brother lasagna. The only time I could remember feeling even close to this was when a girl at my old school kissed me on the mouth after her friends dared her to. It was kind of warm feeling that spread through my chest whenever I thought about it.

I walked into the kitchen and pulled three cups from the cabinet before grabbing milk from the fridge. I felt mom kiss the top of my head before she passed and placed a plate of sliced bread on the table. We'd had spaghetti for dinner the past three nights but I wasn't going to start complaining.

I maneuvered all three glasses in my hands before carefully dodging Vicky as she shuffled her small slipper clad feet to her seat with a giant, blue stuffed animal clutched tightly under her arm.

I sat down and started loading up my plate when mom started her interrogation.

"So, this new friend, what's his name? Where does he live?"

"Emmett. He lives on the next street over. His dad is-"

"Oh honey, the chief of police's son? I definitely approve," she laughed.

"But how did you know Emmett was-"

"I met Charlie the other night at the grocery store. He introduced himself and said his son Emmett was in your class. Such a nice man."

I shrugged and took a piece of bread before Vick started going on an on about how she and the rest of her stuffed animals had spent the afternoon saving Stitch, the little guy she was holding onto so fiercely, from the evil aliens who had been trying to abduct him. I rolled my eyes and silently thanked the interruption because now mom was distracted from badgering me anymore.

I excused myself early and went directly to my room to play the new MLB video game one of my friend's had given to me for my birthday right before we moved. The next thing I knew I woke up on the floor of my new bedroom with a sore neck and the music from my game softly filling the room. I stood up and stretched, looking at my clock to see I only had a half hour before I said I'd be at Emmett's.

I threw on my bathing suit and ran downstairs to grab some poptarts where I noticed a note from my mom. She went to sign Vicky up for dance classes but wished me a fun day at the beach with my new friend. I pulled the sticky note off the cabinet and the phone started ringing. Without thinking I walked over and answered.

_"Junior, that you?"_

I suddenly felt the urge to throw up.

_"Son, are you there?"_

I stood for a beat longer before hanging up the phone. Poptarts forgotten I went upstairs to get a towel, threw on my favorite hat and left the house.

I had no idea what time it was but I knew I was early when I knocked on Emmett's door. I took note of the mailbox hanging from the house with _Swan _written on the front. Immediately after reading the word the door opened with the scariest man I had ever seen in my entire life.

His dark eyes and mustache both twitched as he stared down at me.

"You must be Edward?" he asked and I nodded. "Gotta tell you kid, I don't know if I can let you into the house with that," he said pointing to my hat.

I was pretty sure I was about to crap my pants when I quickly removed it from my head.

"That's much better," he laughed while standing aside to let me in. "Emmett's in the kitchen finishing up his breakfast. Just straight in and your first left."

I practically ran by, leaving him chuckling after me. I found Emmett at their kitchen table, sloppily shoveling waffles into his face. He grunted a greeting before I sat down next to him, putting my hat on the table in front of me.

"Dude, did my dad see that?"

I nodded, still slightly terrified at the entire situation.

"I should have warned you. This is strictly a Mariners house," he whispered while shifting his eyes to the doorway.

"Yeah. I got that," I answered just as quietly while grabbing and shoving my Cubs hat into the pocket of my bathing suit.

Emmett started laughing and continued eating. My stomach growled reminding me of the poptarts I didn't end up eating. Luckily he offered me a plate and I accepted. He got up and grabbed the yellow box from the freezer before popping a couple in the toaster.

He had started telling me all about La Push when another kid walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, Gar. This is Edward, the new kid. Edward, this is Garrett."

I uttered out a quiet "hey" while he just nodded and walked over to the fridge where he pulled out some waffles for himself. He looked small. Maybe a few inches shorter than me and really scrawny, though that may have just been accentuated by the way his clothes seemed a few sizes too big.

After Emmett had his second helping we were ready to go.

I found that on the drive there, it seemed Garrett and I had the whole, speak when spoken to, thing in common... Which ended up being all right because Emmett talked enough for all three of us. It took him a couple hours at the beach and laughing at the expense of Emmett losing his shorts to a rough wave for things to start feeling less uncomfortable between us. After that the rest of the afternoon was actually really fun. It was the first time since my dad had sat me down "man to man" to tell me what he'd done that I'd really felt like myself again.

On the ride home the two of them were telling me all about the rest of the kids in our class and in that moment, with the two of them laughing about something that happened in the beginning of the summer with some kid Tyler, it was starting to sink in that maybe moving to Forks wasn't such a bad thing after all.


	3. 4:27 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 4:27 PM**

_I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company. -_Henry Miller_, Tropic of Cancer_

It feels like hours since I've been standing here. The moment the words "that should be enough for now" have passed through the photographer's lips, I'm three quarters of the way down the stairs into the swanky reception hall. I half expect someone to call after me but no one does.

My heart feels like it might explode and I realize the two glasses of champagne I inhaled in the bridal suite have done nothing to settle my nerves so the moment my feet touch the hardwood floor of the ballroom I make a beeline for the open bar. I shift my dress aside and sit on one of the stools. I feel like a giant christmas ornament as the white tulle begins to stick slightly out of the bottom of the dark red fabric. I wave over a young guy in a bow-tie whose wiping down some glasses. _Why are they always doing that?_

He walks over to me and I squint at the name tag on his vest.

"Hello, Alistair."

He smiles and nods.

"Hello, miss..."

"Bella."

"Miss Bella. What can I get for you?"

He's trying to be charming. I don't have the energy to tell him it won't get him anywhere so I force a smile and order a jack and coke. He turns around and I take a moment to set down my small bouquet of roses and rest my arms on the bar.

_I wonder how long I can get away with hiding and sulking in a corner before someone tries to talk to me._

"Bella!"

I squeeze my eyes closed, wishing for the earth to open and swallow me up so I don't have to be put in this position. The logical part of my brain decides that's not likely to happen so I take a deep breath and turn around. She's a vision in her jade cocktail dress. They match her eyes. _Not to mention someone else's as well._

"How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm great, Esme. How are you?"


	4. March 7, 2003

**Friday, March 7, 2003**

_He simply felt that if he could carry away the vision of the spot of earth she walked on, and the way the sky and sea enclosed it, the rest of the world might seem less empty. -_Edith Wharton_, The Age of Innocence_

_Ugh, so sticky._

I sat back down in between Garrett and Emmett and waited for Lauren to stop looking at me so I could wipe off whatever she'd been wearing on her lips. Everyone else started chanting for Garrett to take his turn.

He leaned forward, grabbed the empty root beer bottle and spun. I looked around at the rest of the group wondering who he was gonna get stuck with. The odds were pretty even with four boys and four girls. The chief was working the night shift and Emmett's older sister was supposed to be supervising his birthday party. Only as soon as she paid for the pizza she'd ordered for us, she just gave Em a stern look, he nodded, and then she went upstairs and we hadn't seen her since.

After we finished eating we were halfway through Spider-Man when the girls started giggling. I looked at Emmett who seemed just as confused as I was. The Green Goblin just killed a bunch of people. That's not particularly funny. We looked back at them and Lauren was leaned over, whispering in Tyler's ear. He turned around, eyes wide and stared at us for a few seconds before he got up from the floor and stumbled over to the couch.

"Uh... Guys?"

Garrett huffed before reaching over me for the remote and pausing the movie.

"What's going on, Ty?"

"They uh... The girls wanna..."

"What is it?

"They want to play..."

"Dude. Spit it out."

He moved in closer and whispered.

"Spin-the-bottle."

_Oh, god._

I didn't want to play. I didn't like any of them like that. And Lauren wore way too much of that peach crap on her lips.

The bottle slowed and landed on Whitney. Her cheeks were a little pink and she kept twirling her sandy hair between her fingers. Garrett looked like he might hurl.

Before I had to sit there and watch, I announced that I had to go to the bathroom and escaped to the kitchen only to find that I was exchanging one source of anxiety for another. Emmett's sister was bent over, searching through the bottom of the freezer for who knows what because all I could see was the bare skin between her jeans and t-shirt.

She grumbled to herself and stood up, closing the door to the freezer before turning around and gasping.

"Holy shit!"

I don't know who was more scared, honestly.

"Jesus, Edward. Make a noise when you enter a room for crying out loud."

"Sorry, Bella."

She sighed, turned around and started looking through the cabinets.

"So what are you doing in here? Shouldn't you be getting your kissy face on?"

I cringed and self consciously rubbed at my mouth like the gooey stuff might still be there.

"Unfortunately, I already did."

She turned around and I was met with a very pretty, very confused face.

"You don't sound too happy about it."

I shrugged and sat down at the kitchen table. She walked over and sat on top of it. I'd never been this close to her before. She smelt like laundry and cookies.

"You wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head and she tilted hers.

"Wanna get some ice cream?"

"Huh?"

"Ice cream. Emmett finished off all the chocolate chip and I really want some so I'm gonna go to the store. You wanna join me?"

My heart was pounding and I may have started sweating.

"Sure."

"Cool. Let's go."

She slid off the table and I followed after her. When we passed by the living room she poked her head in.

The girls were giggling again and Tyler was reaching for the bottle. _I wonder who Emmett kissed._

"Hey Em, I have to run to the store to pick up a few things. Your buddy Edward is gonna help. I'll be back in ten so don't do anything stupid while we're gone."

At the sound of her voice, there were seven startled faces staring back at us until Emmett answered.

"Wait, what?"

She grabbed her jacket from the coat rack and walked out the front door. I found myself gaping after her while Emmett was suddenly distracted by Lauren leaning in front of him to plant a wet one on Tyler.

I ran out after her before he could ask me any questions.

Bella had an old truck that Charlie's friend fixed up for her. To be completely honest, it terrified me because it always made this horrible noise every time she started it up. It was cold even for March so I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head to keep my ears warm and hopped in. The beast came to life and she quickly turned the radio off.

"So, what's up, Edward?"

"Uh... Not a lot. You?"

"Same old, same old. You sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

I looked down at my lap. Bella was probably the last person in the world I wanted to be talking to about this. It was bad enough that I was just her little brother's friend but now I was gonna look like a total loser on top of it.

"I just don't like Lauren like that."

"Like what exactly?"

I turned to look at her face and she was smirking. _I knew it. She thinks I'm a geek._

"You know what I mean," I mumbled and looked out the window instead of anywhere near her. She stopped at the end of the street.

I felt heat on my arm through my hoodie and looked down to see her hand gripping me.

"You know that's okay right?" My eyebrows scrunched together and she laughed. "It's actually better than okay. Awesome even."

"I don't think any of them would think so."

She shrugged and started driving again.

"Who cares what they think. I'm older and I know a lot more than they do. And if a friend makes fun of how you feel then they aren't your friend. Understand?"

I nodded and she turned the radio back on. It was the first time I'd ever really been alone with her but I wasn't as nervous as I'd been before we left the house. We didn't talk the rest of the way to the store and it wasn't weird. It was just nice. She even bought a whole carton of m&m ice cream after she asked what my favorite flavor was.

On the way back we joked about the teachers she'd had when she was in my grade. She also offered to help with an english paper I had due on Monday.

I couldn't help but feel excited. It seemed like she really cared about me. Even if it would never be in the way that I actually wanted, it still felt like the greatest thing in the world.

When we got back, Bella passed the living room to put the ice cream away. Unfortunately for me, the game was still going. I sat down next to Emmett who gave me a questioning look. Probably because Bella had only carried in the one bag. I didn't really know what to say but luckily she came back into the room before I had time to answer.

"All right, guys. That's enough action for one night. Your parents are gonna be here in an hour to get you. Finish your movie and say your goodbyes."

When the others weren't looking she winked at me and I knew she'd done it so I wouldn't have to kiss anybody else.

Bella Swan really was the greatest girl on the planet.


	5. 4:32 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 4:32 PM**

_Through months of shame and humiliation I have come to hug my solitude. I no longer seek help from the outside world. I no longer answer the doorbell. I live by myself, in the turmoil of my own fears. Trapped in my own phantasms, I wait for the flood to rise and drown me out. -_Henry Miller, _Sexus_

"Oh, I'm doing well. I just saw your father who told me you've moved. Can you imagine how surprised I was to hear this?"

My new friend Alistair places my drink down on the bar behind me and I wish to god Esme would have approached me two minutes later than she did.

"I'm sorry no one's told you. I've just been so busy with the restaurant. And you know, I figure twenty-eight is old enough for me to go out and get my own place."

"Well, I can understand that. I suppose I'm just a little surprised that my son never mentioned anything."

_You and me both._

"Well, I'm, uh, sure he's probably just been busy, too."

I turn around to grab my drink and take the biggest sip I can without looking like a lush. She smiles and leans on the bar next to me before ordering a glass of wine. The bartender walks away and she looks back at me.

"I understand that you guys are all grown up but would it kill you to keep an old lady in the loop?"

"Point one out to me and I'll let you know."

She laughs and puts an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me closer.

"Oh, I knew I liked you for a reason."

Alistair smiles at both of us as he sets down her glass. She opens her clutch, pulls out a dollar and places it in the tip basket.

"Oh, before I forget, I've been meaning to ask your brother but I'm sure you would know. Is Edward seeing someone?"

I almost fall off my stool.

"Not that I'm aware of. Why do you ask?"

I'm certain I didn't do a good enough job trying to keep the shock and hurt out of my voice because there are several thoughts flitting through my head. _Is Edward seeing someone? Isn't that what I wanted? Do I even have a right to know anymore? _Esme either doesn't notice my inner turmoil or she ignores it for my sake.

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing but this past month he's been acting rather secretive. You know just last week he went away for the weekend and I didn't even know about it until he got back. I thought maybe a new woman in his life would explain the distance. What man wants to share those kind of details with his mother?"

She laughs and I force out a chuckle or two with her.

"Esme!"

We both turn to see her date waving her over to where he and a very distressed looking Victoria are standing.

"Oh, dear. I have no idea what's going on with either of my children. Excuse me, sweetie."

She rushes over to them but I don't bother watching to see what happens. I just turn around and suck down the rest of my drink because all I can think is,_ what if my plan actually worked?_


	6. January 8, 2004

**Thursday, January 8, 2004**

_And isn't it funny how if one person speaks for real, then the other person can too? We just did that. We just became friends. It's just a matter of finding the right person and crossing that barrier together, almost like you're holding hands, but really you're holding the most tender place inside you. -_Laura Pritchett, _Sky Bridge_

"Edward, I know this is... Difficult... But, honey, don't you want us to be happy?"

I grunted from my seat on the passenger's side. Of course I wanted her to be happy. I'd been hoping and wishing for that ever since we left Chicago. I just never knew what it would take for it to actually happen.

She smiled sadly as she pulled to a stop in front of Emmett's. I reached for the bag at my feet and hugged my pillow tighter to my chest. I leaned over and kissed her cheek, muttering a small 'love you, Mom' before escaping from the car.

Since she and the _doctor _had an early flight Friday morning, she was dropping me off the night before. I barely had time to step through the doorway before Emmett was dragging me up to his room to play his new Madden game. He'd gotten it and a new XBox for Christmas and I don't think we'd done anything together but game since.

The entire night dragged on, game after game until Charlie made us go to bed. That was how I wound up on the floor ready to smother Emmett with his pillow. The freight train equivalent roar of his snoring was making my already uncomfortable position on his air mattress unbearable. I cursed mom's new _boyfriend _for coming up with the idea of going all the way to L.A. for her birthday. Vicky was staying at her friend's house and mom asked the Chief to look after me.

_Maybe if she knew the reason Emmett and I rearranged the letters on the sign outside the church last summer was because of a story Charlie had shared about his youth, she would have let me stay at the house by myself._

Once midnight rolled around and I still couldn't sleep, I got out from under the covers and headed downstairs. I shuddered at the drastic temperature change in the hallway. The hardwood floor was freezing and, as I rubbed my arms for warmth, I mentally scolded myself for not grabbing my shirt before leaving Emmett's room.

I felt my way through the living room until I'd maneuvered myself around the coffee table and grabbed the remote control. Slowly, I sat down on the sofa and turned on the television.

I almost had a heart attack when ESPN came on full blast and I stood, frantically pressing down on the volume until I could barely make out any sound at all.

My heart was beating hard in my chest as I took a deep breath and sat back down. I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands as I closed my eyes. Seconds later I was startled when the lights in the room came on. I was expecting having to apologize to an angry, possibly gun wielding, Chief Swan but when I looked up all words were gone.

She was wearing dark blue shorts and a white tank top that did nothing to hide the fact that she was not wearing a particular undergarment. Her long brown hair was all over the place and I couldn't form a coherent thought. Her eyes narrowed at me and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Edward, what the _hell _are you doing down here?"

I could have asked her the same thing. I was under the impression that she'd already left. She was about to start her second semester in the culinary program at the Art Institute in Seattle.

"I'm, uh, staying here for the weekend," I looked down because she looked extremely pissed off. I also silently wished I had a shirt to hide my boney arms and torso. "I couldn't sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up but I thought you already went back to school." Emmett told me she had a job interview and had left to go back early.

"Not until tomorrow," she muttered, rubbing her eyes as she walked over and plopped down next to me. "Sorry. I get cranky when I get woken up." A yawn ended her sentence as she grabbed a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch. Eyes watering, she looked at me again. "So what's the deal with you staying over on a school night?"

"It's my mom's birthday on Saturday. _Carlisle_ took her to some fancy place in L.A. to celebrate."

"Ah, I take it from your tone that you don't like your mom's new boyfriend?"

I thought about it for a few seconds. It wasn't that I didn't _like_ him. He was nice enough...

"He's just _always _around."

She nodded like she understood.

"Your mom seems pretty happy though. I wouldn't worry about it. You know she loves you, and the novelty of a new relationship will wear off soon en..." The "ough" was drawn out in another long yawn.

"I'm sorry I bothered you, Bella. I can go to Emmett's room and let you get back to bed."

I stood up but was held in place by a firm grip on my wrist.

"Hey, you woke me up. Now you've got to pay the penalty of keeping me company," she nodded her head toward the TV. "You said you couldn't sleep. I've got a pretty awesome movie collection..."

I nodded dumbly and sat back down on the couch for the third time in five minutes. She got up and made her way toward the set of shelves that held her movies. She shuffled around for a few minutes with the blanket still wrapped around her before turning around with a case in her hand and a grin on her face.

"Have you seen the new _X-Men_ movie yet?" I shook my head. She smiled and spun around to set up the movie.

She shut off the lights and sat back down. It appeared that we had both chosen our own sides of the couch, and there was at least two feet of distance between any of our body parts. I hadn't noticed a change until a blanket was being draped over me. When I looked at her she had just finished scooting closer and I felt a warmth spread inside my embarrassingly shirtless chest. I must have looked as nervous as I felt because she explained herself.

"I can't in good conscience let you freeze, can I?"

With our shoulders touching I noticed that I was finally gaining some height on her. With me being bigger than her, I could almost pretend that we were equals. She leaned back, eyes on the screen, content to watch the previews instead of fast forwarding through them... But I knew I wasn't going to see her for months and this was the best opportunity I was gonna get to talk to her.

"So... You like school so far?"

She shrugged but kept her eyes on the television.

"Classes are okay. It just feels kind of..." She trailed off, angling her face toward me. "Do you really want to hear about this?"

"I do." _That may have come out a little too eagerly. _"I promise." _Even better. _Her body sagged as she let out a long sigh.

"I'm sure you would get it. When you guys moved here and your dad wasn't around, did it ever exhaust you having to pick up some of the slack?"

For the past two and a half years I'd looked after Vicky every time mom had to work late. I'd also learned how to cook a couple different kinds of meals and, not too mention, I was used to having to say no when the guys asked me to hang out.

"Yeah. It still does sometimes."

She nudged my shoulder as a sign of sympathy before she took a deep breath.

"I always thought that when I got to college, I would feel this huge sense of relief. Like I'd finally get to be on my own and enjoy being my age for once."

There was nothing wrong with that and I told her so. She looked up from the edge of the blanket she'd been toying with and diverted her eyes again.

"I know there's nothing wrong with it. It's just that every time someone asks me to go out or tells me about some cool party that's happening I just think of you guys." _Was I included in that? _"Oh, come on, Edward. You and Emmett have been glued together since you moved here. You're practically a Swan."

_Good or bad? _I couldn't decide how I felt about that, so instead I focused more on what she was actually saying to me.

"I understand that you feel responsible for taking care of everybody because you've been doing it for years... But everyone understands that you're young and in college. Nobody expected you to hang around and take care of a couple of guys that can do all right for the few months that you're away. Sure everybody misses you," _me especially, _"and don't get me wrong, you're definitely needed. But it's just... You can't feel guilty for living."

_That was definitely the most I'd ever said to her at one time. _She stared at me for a few seconds causing some more nerves to start swimming through my stomach.

"Thanks, Edward."

She said it so quietly I almost didn't hear her. I nodded and decided to go back to a safer topic.

"Me and Emmett have Mrs. Hammond for english this year. She's been harping on him for not being as good as you."

"Yeah, that was always my best subject." She smiled and looked back at the preview for some girly movie. "What about you? I'm sure you're excelling in all your classes." The tip of my ears felt hot at her compliment.

"Nah, not really. I'm pretty good at science but I don't exactly enjoy it. I don't know what I would do with that in the real world anyway."

"You'll figure it out. None of us really know what we want to do with our lives. I'm in college for cooking but there's still a little part of me that feels like I might like to teach someday."

"You'd be a great teacher, Bella."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, totally. I mean, teachers should be people that other people feel comfortable with and that are selfless and want to see others improve and grow."

"You really think those things about me?"

When I looked at her face it was the first time that she'd ever looked at me like _I_ could answer something for _her_. It was like I wasn't some younger kid that ate her food and took up space on her couch.

"Of course. You're one of the best people I've ever known."

We were both startled by the loud music of the movie menu. She gave me a small smile and picked up the remote to press play. Knowing our conversation was over, I relaxed back into the couch, resigned to watch the movie. It was about twenty minutes in when I looked and noticed her eyes beginning to droop. Five more and her head had fallen back with her mouth open, even breaths puffing out of her lips. I studied her face for a few minutes. _If I was just a couple years older..._

Realizing that if she woke up and saw me gawking at her, she might freak out, I focused my attention back on the movie.

I never even saw the credits roll but when I woke the next morning I was sprawled out on the couch alone. I shifted and heard the loud crumpling of paper in my ear. I sat up and saw that she'd left a note for me.

_Edward,_

_Sorry for passing out on you last night. Tried to wake you to go back to Emmett's room but, as you probably already know, you sleep like a rock. I'll probably be gone before you wake up. Hope you liked the movie._

_-B_

_P.S. Charlie keeps the good cereal hidden behind the breadbox so Em won't eat it. Swear yourself to secrecy!_

I squashed down the disappointment I felt at not getting to say goodbye and tucked her note into the pocket of my pajama pants. It was still pretty cold so I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and made my way to kitchen to see what treasures lay behind Charlie Swan's bread.


	7. 4:39 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 4:39 PM**

_It's possible to pretend I'm someone other than who I am, and if I pretend long enough, I can believe it. -_Libba Bray, _A Great and Terrible Beauty_

I nurse my second drink a bit slower, because even if I'm trying to calm down, I don't want to make an ass out of myself in front of all these people.

Alistair is busy making a drink for an older looking gentleman so I use that time to examine him a little.

_Blonde slicked back hair, bright blue eyes. He even has a little tan going on... But it's November in Washington so either he's got a naturally dark hue or someone's been hitting those ultraviolet deathbeds._

He's a good looking man. He's not at all my type but probably anyone else's, so when he starts walking toward me with a cocky grin, I don't even hold it against him. I have a feeling he doesn't normally hear the word 'no.'

"So, are you here for the bride or the groom?" he asks innocently, as if I don't know what he's trying to do.

"Well, the groom is my brother, but I'm also the maid of honor... So, both, I guess."

He smiles and leans forward, motioning with his hand for me to do the same. He looks around conspiratorially to make sure no one's looking as I come in closer.

"You know, I do weddings here every weekend. Sometimes even weekdays... But you are, by far, the most beautiful maid of honor I have ever had the pleasure of serving."

I laugh and back up because I can't decide if I think this guy is cheesy or if those kind of lines probably work for him. He clears his throat and when I look back at him he doesn't seem to be exuding charm as he was before. In fact, he looks nervous.

"Uh, Miss Bella, do you have a boyfriend?"

_What?_

"No. Why would you-"

"Well, there's a guy across the room who looks like if he had a gun, I may no longer be of services here at the Fairmont."

I close my eyes and wish to teleport to anywhere else besides where I am right now. This is not what I wanted. I wanted him to forget about me, not watch what probably looked like mutually engaged flirting. I hear Alistair walk away as I psych myself up and look over my shoulder across the room.


	8. August 13, 2005

**Saturday, August 13, 2005**

_I remember you saying that growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change._ -Cassandra Clare, _City of Ashes_

"Edward, I need to breathe."

I let go, backing up until just my hands were on her shoulders.

"Are you serious? A _car?"_

"Yes, honey. It's all yours," she beamed at me. "Now your father helped pay for it, of course, and we both expect you to be smart about it. You'll need to pay for your own gas, and I'll give you a couple of months so you can save some money, but you'll need to take over the insurance-"

I cut her off with another hug.

I got my driver's license three days ago, and she'd already gotten me a car. _Em and Gar were gonna shit bricks._

"Can I take it out now?"

She laughed as Carlisle came over and handed me the keys.

"Be responsible, Edward," she pleaded as I grabbed them from his hand.

"Thank you!" I replied giddily as I flew through the house, down the steps and out the door where a beautiful, little, silver car sat in the driveway next to my mom's jeep. She came out after me, still laughing with Carlisle and Vicky trailing close behind.

"Mom, can I go out with Edward and his friends?"

I turned and pointed.

"Vick, I'll take you out later. I need to go to the store to grab some, uh... Chips."

Victoria was ten and going through a phase where she wanted to follow me everywhere I went. It was borderline impossible to get her to leave me alone.

"Chips, Edward?" Mom knew I was lying. I gave her a pleading look and she rolled her eyes.

"All right. Go and get your _chips. _But you'll be keeping that promise to take your sister out."

"I will, I swear. Bye, guys."

I unlocked the car and hopped inside. I stuck the key in the ignition and took a few seconds to enjoy the quiet purr of the engine. _My _engine. A knock on the window startled me. When I saw Carlisle's face staring at me through the glass I rolled the window down.

"What's up?"

He looked behind him. My mom and sister had already gone back inside so he leaned in and spoke quietly.

"I know you don't like talking to him more than you have to, but your mother confided in me that she hopes you would call your father and thank him."

I sighed and leaned back on the headrest.

"She just wants you to have a relationship with the man, Edward."

I scowled while keeping my eyes on the steering wheel.

"Yeah, well, maybe if he didn't ditch his family for a new one, we'd be best friends."

Carlisle nodded and reached in to put a hand on my shoulder.

"You know I agree with you, but your mom's heart is in the right place. It's just too big sometimes." He looked back at the house with a soft smile. "Just do it for her then, yeah?" He looked back down at me and cocked an eyebrow with that _I-mean-business _look he's perfected after almost two years of putting up with my bullshit.

"Yeah, okay."

He squeezed my shoulder.

"Tonight or tomorrow. Get it done."

I watched him stroll back toward the house. He looked a little ridiculous in his loafers and flowery swim trunks but I had to hand it to the guy. He really loved my mom.

I faced forward and focused back on the task at hand.

I drove to Garrett's first, walking quickly to the front door and knocking. It took a few seconds for his mom to come carry out her usual non-greeting, but when she did I braced myself for the discomfort I felt every time I was there.

She looked at me without saying a word before yelling back into the house.

"GARRETT."

I wasn't spared a second glance as she left the door open and walked away. Used to this kind of treatment from her, I stepped inside and waited for Garrett at the bottom of the stairs. The sounds from the trashy soap opera she was watching blasted in from the other room. The entire house smelt like a mixture of cigarettes and macaroni and cheese.

"Edward? What are you doing here?"

I looked up to see him coming down the steps. He didn't really like ever having anyone over but this was news that I couldn't wait to tell him over the phone. I pulled the keys out of my pocket and dangled them in front of his face.

"Just giving you the chance to claim shotgun on the rides to school this year."

His eyes lit up.

"No shit?"

I grinned and turned around to walk outside with him following behind me. He laughed as soon as he stepped outside.

"Dude. Your mom bought you a Volvo?"

"Yeah, she did. And now you're riding in the back to Emmett's."

"Aw, man. Come on. You gotta admit, it's a pretty pansy ass car."

"Backseat. Now."

He sighed and got in the back. Then he grumbled for the whole two minutes it took to get the Swan's.

"Not cool, Ed," he muttered as he pushed the passenger seat forward to get out.

"Yeah, well, that'll teach you not to make fun of her, won't it?"

He snickered as he passed me and walked into the house where we found Emmett leaned forward on the couch watching _The Sixth Sense. _Garrett sat down next to him.

"Man, I thought this movie was so stupid. If that dude was supposed to be a ghost the whole time, don't you think he would have noticed that nobody but that kid ever talked to him? Come on."

Emmett's eyes bulged out of his head as he looked at Garrett.

"Bruce is a _ghost?"_

He looked over to me like I would tell him something different.

"Em, this movie came out like six years ago. I have no sympathy for you."

"Man, whatever." He grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. "What do you guys wanna do. People aren't coming over for like," he paused looking at the clock, "three more hours."

I mimicked the motion with my keys I'd done at Garrett's.

"I thought maybe we could go for a little joy ride."

Emmett looked confused before a big ass grin covered his face.

Two hours and a half a tank of gas later, we were driving back down Emmett's street and there were a bunch of cars already parked out front.

"I thought you said the party wasn't until seven, Emmett?" I asked, getting out of the car.

"_Our _friends aren't coming until seven. Bells is home though. She must have invited people over. _Shit."_

The chief was away with one of his fishing buddies for the weekend and it seemed that both of the Swan offspring had no problem taking advantage of his absence. They each had told me one time or another that when you're the child of a police officer, you tend to rebel a little more than the normal adolescent. I found it amusing that either of them thought he never found out about any of their parties.

We walked inside to find several Forks High School graduates, as well as some of the older kids from La Push. Not surprising since Bella had been seeing one of them for the past couple of months on and off. The guy was a total jerk off. _Unfortunately Emmett and I were the only ones who thought so._

I walked into the kitchen to grab a soda and found her there. The giant douche had is arm around her until she saw me and walked over.

"Edward! What are you doing here?"

Emmett stepped in front of me before I could speak.

"Bell, I invited some people over, too."

She looked over him at me and I put my hands up in surrender. I wasn't having anything to do with this conversation. She shrugged and looked back at Emmett.

"Whatever. If any of your friends get too rowdy I'm going to have Jake throw them out. And you two better not be drinking," she said while pointing with two fingers at her own eyes and back at us. "I'm always watching."

She turned back around and walked over to _Jake. _He smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head at which point I spun around and resisted the urge to throw my soda can at his face. I knew realistically that she was never going to see me that way, but I couldn't help feeling jealous that there were others she actually _was _interested in.

"Like any of our friends would be afraid of a dude with a ponytail," Emmett grumbled next to me.

I walked out to the back porch and sat alone on the stairs. Their backyard wasn't very big, unless you counted the giant forest behind it. I sulked there by myself for who knows how long before Bella found me again.

"Edward, what are you doing outside by yourself?"

She sat down next to me.

"Just waiting for some people I actually know to get here."

She laughed and looked back towards the house.

"Yeah, I didn't mean for so many people to come over, but Jake invited some guys who invited some guys and well, here we are."

Hearing her say his name pissed me off even more.

"Yeah, what _great _guy."

Her eyebrows scrunched together and she opened her mouth to say something but then the backdoor flew open and her giant Native American boyfriend casted a huge shadow over the entire porch.

"Bells, what are you doing out here? The guys wanna play pong and I can't find the cups."

She looked at me strangely for a few seconds before she left me sitting there alone to go help him.

A few minutes later, Garrett came over to tell me people our age had started showing. Reluctantly, I got up and walked with him to see who else had been invited.

In true Emmett fashion, it was mostly girls, and it wasn't long before Garrett was stuck sitting in the living room with Ashley Dowling. She was best friends with Lauren and the two of them had been trying to get me and Garrett to ask them out since we won the last baseball game of the season back in April. The only problem was, that while Emmett will hook up with anything that moves, Garrett and I were pretty inexperienced. Neither of us had ever even had a girlfriend.

I felt a hand on my arm and turned around to see the exact girl I'd been thinking of.

"Hey, Lauren."

"Hi, Edward... Do you wanna maybe go out back and hang out for a while?"

Her blonde hair was down and wavy and she didn't use that lip gloss crap on her mouth anymore. She was wearing a tight grey t-shirt and jean shorts. I couldn't deny that she looked pretty. At that moment, Bella walked by with Jake. They sat on the couch and were whispering to each other, so close their foreheads were almost touching.

"Sure. Let's go."

Lauren smiled and wrapped her hand around mine, pulling me behind her until we'd reached the door to the backyard. I looked back once through the house. I couldn't see her anymore and I didn't need to. I decided right then that I had to quit stopping myself from liking other girls, because I had to face it. Bella was never going to be mine.

* * *

**AN: I just wanted to thank everyone who has been giving my story a chance. Also, an even bigger thanks to those reviewing and the few lovely ladies who have rec'd my story on facebook. You guys are awesome. :)**


	9. 4:45 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 4:45 PM**

_You can't just turn your heart off like a faucet; you have to go to the source and dry it out, drop by drop. -_Sarah Dessen, _Someone Like You_

Even from across the room his stare pierced right through my heart.

_Did I really put that look on his face?_

The moment he turns away I can breathe again. He's distracted now by the beautiful red head under his arm. He squeezes her closer and I selfishly wish it was me there instead of her.

_Great. Now I'm jealous of his sister._

I struggle to get off the stool without falling but a hand catches my arm to help me down. I look up to see pained blue eyes staring down at me.

"Hey, Jasper."

His smile looks more like a grimace as he looks back and forth between where I was just looking and where I was sitting and I know he probably just watched the entire interaction go down. I feel nauseous because now I know that he knows. I don't have to wonder why. It's my fault he and Edward became friends in the first place.

"Bella... I came to warn you."

"About what?"

He lets go of my arm and, with the same hand, runs his fingers through his hair, wincing at how little is there because Alice made him cut it for the wedding.

"My wife is not very happy with you."

I should have seen that coming.

"How much did Edward tell you?"

I don't mean to sound like I'm accusing him of anything but it comes out that way anyhow.

"Bella, you left him in rough shape. You can't get mad at him for needing a friend. Would you rather he confided in Emmett?" The face I make says it all. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Look... It may not be my place to say this, but I just thought that you should know, I think you're making a big mistake."

I look down, fighting with the part of myself that is in total agreement with those words and force myself to look back at him.

"You're right. It's not your place to say that."

I move to walk away but a cold voice stops me before I get anywhere.

"Oh, Bella, I don't think so."

_Is there anyone that would be on my side in this?_

I succumb to the fact that I may as well just deal with her now because it's only a matter of time before she corners me.

"Alright, Al. Do your worst."


	10. July 6, 2007

**Sunday, July 6, 2007**

_I don't like hope very much. In fact, I hate it. It's the crystal meth of emotions. It hooks you fast and kills you hard. It's bad news. The worst. It's sharp sticks and cherry bombs. When hope shows up, it's only a matter of time until someone gets hurt. -_Jennifer Donnelly, _Revolution_

"I'm sorry, man. I really didn't think they'd show up." I looked around Emmett where Lauren and Tyler were standing chummily by the barbecue. "Do you want me to kick them out? Cause I will." I rolled my eyes and got up from my lawn chair.

"Nah, Em. I don't really give a shit. Good for them."

I walked away to get another drink.

I may not have planned to do the whole long distance thing with her, but that didn't mean that, after dating for almost two years, I wanted to find my girlfriend making out with another guy in the bathroom at our after-prom party. Before I reached the special bowl of punch Em had spiked to celebrate our going away, I was intercepted by an anxious looking Garrett.

"Are you sure your mom doesn't mind that we're taking your car?"

I didn't think Garrett could really wrap his head around the fact that he was getting out of Forks. He didn't have the grades for a scholarship and with his mom out of work for so long, he couldn't afford the alternative. It wasn't until Em and I both got accepted to UCLA that he even tried getting into contact with his dad's younger brother. They hadn't seen each other since the funeral almost ten years before. Uncle Peter was so happy to hear from him that he invited all three of us to stay in Encino for the summer.

_An offer I had declined up until two days ago._

"Garrett, number one, it's _my_ car. What would she even need it for? Number two, I don't want to ask that emotional trainwreck anymore questions about my leaving, so if you wanna know anything you'll have to ask her yourself."

We both turned to look at her as she sat with Bella on the porch, both of them flipping through old family photo albums. They'd been sighing and 'aw'ing at every page turn for the past half an hour. Garrett snorted and looked back at me.

"I'm sorry, man. I just can't wait for tomorrow." He wrapped one arm around my shoulders while throwing the other up in the air. "Sweet, sweet California," he shouted.

I laughed and tried to catch another glimpse of Bella but Jake had come up beside her. Noticing my quick shift in moods, Garrett looked around the yard as I pulled away and poured myself more punch.

"Are you still bummed about Lauren?"

_I wish._

"No, definitely not," I said as I brought the drink to my lips.

"No? So, is this about Bella then?" I started choking and stared at him in shock. "Come on, Edward. You can't possibly think I never noticed."

Wiping off the red liquid that was now dripping down my chin, I scoffed.

"Yeah, you're one to talk. You think I don't see how you look at Kate?"

His eyes darted to the pretty blonde on Emmett's lap.

"That's different and you know it."

"It may be different but it's also the same."

He raised his hand to the back of his neck, rubbing at it before making a gesture with his chin for me to follow him out of the yard. When we reached the driveway, we sat down on the ground in narrow space between my car and the picket fence that separated our yard from the neighbor's. He grabbed a little red carton from his pocket, pulling two cigarettes and a lighter from the inside. He passed one to me and cupped his hands to light his own.

"If my mom comes out here, she's gonna tie me to a chair and not let me join your stupid ass tomorrow."

He rolled his eyes and tossed me the lighter after blowing a cloud of smoke in my face.

"You're eighteen. She can't stop you."

"Yeah? Tell _her_ that."

He laughed and leaned his head back on the car.

"Why did Emmett have to go and choose _her_?"

He sounded so resigned. I lit my cigarette and scooted over closer to hand the lighter back to him.

"Garrett, you know he can be kind of oblivious. You should have told him right from the beginning. He never would have asked her out if he knew."

He shook his head.

"Doesn't matter anymore. They've been together for months. She's off limits now."

"And that's it?"

With his head still leaned back he closed his eyes.

"Yeah, that's it. So let's just stop talking about Emmett's _girlfriend_ okay? Let's talk about you. How long have you had a hard-on for his _sister_?"

I winced and looked out toward the street.

"How long do you think?"

"I don't know what I _think_. What I _know_ is I've been watching you make those googly eyes after her for as long as I can remember you being around."

_Had I been so obvious?_

"Well, then there's your answer."

I tried to sound pissed off but on the inside I was praying he'd been the only one to notice.

"So we're both just hopeless then."

I laughed because I thought that was obvious.

"Two days ago, I didn't think it was so far-fetched." I took another drag and watched a couple of cars go by. "I was gonna tell her and everything."

I looked back toward him and his eyes weren't closed anymore.

"So? What stopped you?"

I didn't want to talk about it but it was the first time I'd ever been able to say any of this out loud, and I found that I couldn't stop myself from laying it all out there.

"She was hanging around me a lot for the couple of weeks after my birthday. I think she was bored and I was just there. It didn't matter either way because I wasn't complaining. I was gonna tell her Friday. I just couldn't _not_ tell her anymore, you know?"

He nodded because now he understood.

My stomach dropped at the memory of walking onto the beach with so much false hope. The reservation always put on fireworks for the Fourth of July so I'd agreed to meet Emmett and Bella there. I'd worn my favorite Cubs hat that she still loved to make fun of and the dark blue t-shirt she had bought me for my birthday. I was too nervous to even notice the two of them sitting so close together by the water.

"But then she got back together with Jake."

"Then she got back together with Jake."

"And you decided to come with me and Emmett."

"And I decided to come with you and Emmett."

I drew my knees up higher and leaned my elbows on them, watching the white paper in my hand turn to ash.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

_"Edward?"_

"Shit!"

We both balked at the sound of Carlisle's voice, throwing our cigarettes into the street. After practically ripping the backdoor of my car open, I felt around for the Febreze I knew was somewhere back there while Garrett searched through the front. When we came out I was spraying the two of us with the scent of fresh linens and he was tossing me a pack of gum. By the time Carlisle made it to the side of the car, the evidence was gone and we were attempting to sit in the most inconspicuous positions possible.

"What are you guys doing out here?"

The silence lasted a beat too long and his stare became a little harder.

"Edward was just giving me some advice on lady problems, doc."

"Oh, yeah? Well, you two should head back to the party. Edward, your mother is wondering where you went. Usually when a celebration is thrown in honor of a certain person, that person makes an effort to socialize_._"

"Sorry, Carlisle," I spoke as I moved to stand.

As we tried to move past him, Garrett made it through but Carlisle held on to my arm.

"I know that you're technically an adult now, Edward... But as a doctor, do I need to remind you of the negative side effects caused by smoking cigarettes?"

"Uh, nope."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's good. Because I take it you know how upset your mother would be if she knew you would ever do something like that?"

I nodded.

"Well, alright then."

We walked back into the backyard where Garrett was waiting for me.

"Dude, that was so close."

"It wasn't _close, _Gar. He _knows._"

We both looked to where Carlisle was now standing by my mom. He made eye contact and raised an eyebrow. We both turned away quickly.

"Let's just be happy that my stepfather really cares about my mom, and hopefully he doesn't want to cause her any kind of disappointment."

He nodded and we walked back toward where the rest of the guys from the baseball team were sitting by the pool. Before I could sit down with them Bella appeared at my side.

"Hey, Edward. Would you mind if I gave you your present now?"

Garrett gave me a 'good luck' slap on the back and sat down without me.

"Yeah, sure."

We walked over to the back porch and sat on the swing there where she handed me my gift. I tore off the delicate looking wrapping paper to find a Nike shoe box. I looked at her skeptically and she rolled her eyes.

"Would you just open it?"

I did and what I found was a bunch of mix CDs, all labeled differently. There was _Road Trip Mix 1, __Songs That Emmett Hates,_ and even a _Songs To Keep You Alive_. I smiled and turned towards her.

"Those are just for the road. Look under them." I did as she asked and found a framed picture of me with her, Emmett, and Charlie. "Now, I know you're gonna be some big fancy engineer, but this is just a friendly reminder to remember where you came from."

It only twisted the knife inside me more that she thought I could ever forget.

"Thanks, Bell-"

I didn't even get the words out before her arms were around me.

"I'm gonna miss you and Emmett so much. Don't you guys break too many Californian hearts, okay?"

I laughed and wrapped my arms around her.

"Oh, Bella. I really don't think you're gonna have anything to worry about."

I closed my eyes and breathed her in because that was the closest I was going to get to telling her anything about how I felt.

She pulled away with a watery smile.

"Have fun out there, Edward. You deserve it. And if you can, keep my brother out of trouble."

She got up and headed back to the party. Instead of following behind her I went inside and brought the box up to my room. I set it down on my bed and spent a few seconds looking back and forth between it and the bags I had packed for the move. Trying not to over think it, I grabbed the box and put it under my bed.

As I walked back down the stairs I'd convinced myself that it was the right thing to do. I knew that she meant well, but if I was leaving Bella behind, I had to leave all of her.


	11. 4:51 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 4:51 PM**

_I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice. -_Roald Dahl, _Fantastic Mr. Fox_

"Do my _worst, _Bella? I just want to know what the hell it was you were thinking." I open my mouth but she raises one, very well-manicured, finger. "Rhetorical question because it's obvious that you _weren't _thinking."

"That's not fair, Alice."

She crosses her arms and scowls. If it were any other situation I would laugh because she looks ridiculous with her angry face and bright pink designer dress.

"You want to talk about fair, Bella?" A few heads turn at her increasing volume and Jasper wraps his arm around her waist. Remembering where she is, she looks from him to me, whispering now but with just as much energy. "Do you think what _you_ did was fair?"

"Alice, you've been friends with me for _how_ long? Do you really think I made this decision lightly?"

She wiggles out of Jasper's grasp and comes closer, placing both of her hands on each of my shoulders.

"See, B. There's your first mistake. You act as if you were allowed to make this decision by yourself."

I close my eyes and try not to let my emotions get the better of me.

"He needs someone else, Al. I wouldn't be good for him."

I feel her hands disappear and a small pinch on my right arm causes me to open my eyes. Her big, brown ones are closer than I'm expecting and I let out a small but pointed '_ow_.'

"Isabella, just because the only men you've ever dated ended up being total assholes does _not_ mean that's all that you deserve."

"I haven't _only _dated assholes."

She laughs and steps back.

"Not only have you only dated assholes, but you dated the biggest douche of all for how long? Three, four years?"

"It was four and Jake was not that bad."

She arches a brow and I sigh.

"Then why did you dump him?"

"I did not _dump-"_

"Oh, that's right. You literally _ran away._ Moved to another state and let Jake keep his piece of shit ring for the next lucky lady."

I cringe because I know Jake got married last Fall and I wouldn't put it past him to have done exactly that.

"Alice, that's enough. This was not the same thing as what happened with Jake. Back then I was just out of college. I wanted a fresh start so I left Washington. My moving _this_ time was always the plan."

We're suddenly interrupted when the band stops playing and Rosalie's mother announces that it's time to find our assigned seating for dinner.

"You can keep telling yourself that, Bella, but if that was always the plan then why did it take you five years to get your own place? Pretty convenient timing, don't you think?"

Jasper, forever the voice of reason, chooses that moment step between us.

"All right guys. You can continue this after. Bell, good luck with your speech, and just... Talk to the kid, okay?"

I nod but if the two of them know me at all, I'm certain the look on my face is far from convincing. Alice moves him out of the way and wraps her arms around me in a tight hug.

"Bella, you know I'm only telling you these things because I love you, and I don't want to watch you mess up such a good thing. You've gotta talk to him _tonight. _Promise me."

I hug her back just as close.

"Okay, Alice. I promise."


	12. April 11, 2009

**Saturday, April 11, 2009**

_It's not that the grass is greener, it's that you can never be on both sides of the lawn at the same time. -_Laura Fraser, _All Over the Map_

"Hey babe, did I leave my black shirt at your place?"

"I don't know."

I could hear her grumbling in the other room while I sat on the couch flicking through the channels, trying not to think about the night I had ahead of me. The door to the bedroom opened and Maggie came out looking aggravated

"I can't find _any_ of my sweaters. Why couldn't we stop at your place before the restaurant?"

_Because Bella is there with Emmett and I'd prefer only seeing her in a crowded, public environment. _Between my finding an apartment in Encino with Garrett and Emmett last summer, and the holidays just being hectic, I hadn't seen Bella in over a year.

"It was just easier to stop here."

She rolled her eyes and sat down next to me, nestling into my side.

I'd been working at the deli for Uncle Pete with Garrett since we first got to California after high school, and then one day she walked in. She was a pretty girl with her wavy red hair and flowery dress. After purchasing eight pounds of beef for a family barbecue, she shocked me by asking if I wanted to go out with her. She was forward but sweet so without really thinking about it I got her phone number. Nine months later, though we'd never put a name to what we were doing, I thought I'd been so sure where we stood with each other. Now just the thought of seeing Bella again had me questioning all of it.

My phone went off. After reading the words on the screen, I reluctantly told Maggie it was time to go.

"So what's Emmett's sister like?"

I opened the car door and slid in as she did the same on the other side.

"She's uh... Cool, I guess? She went to culinary school... Practically raised Emmett. I don't know. She's just... Bella."

Apparently that answer placated her because she didn't ask anymore questions for the rest of the drive. We were headed to a little Mexican grill downtown and the closer we got, the more I had to fight like hell to keep my composure. If the looks Maggie kept shooting me were any indicator, I wasn't doing a very good job.

As we walked in, I immediately spotted Emmett's broad form near the back. Moving through the crowded room, my heart felt like it was about to blow. Rosalie was the first to notice our approach and as I saw her mouth moving, everyone sitting at the table turned around.

The shift from anticipation to actuality was faster than I could have imagined.

The first thing I noticed was that her hair was shorter. She looked exhausted, but she was beautiful. Even more so than I remembered. It took me a few seconds to even notice that there were other faces staring at me. Right beside Bella was a dark haired woman who looked familiar, and next to her was a blonde guy I'd definitely never seen before. I also noticed that Jacob was nowhere to be found. Before I had a chance to greet anyone, Emmett stood from his seat and quickly excused the both of us. Rose waved Maggie over but she paused to look at me.

I tried to convey without words that I was just as clueless as she felt and she nodded hesitantly before sitting down next to her cousin. Rose was a freshman at Cal State and Maggs made the mistake of bringing her to one of Em's football games. They'd been dating only a few months less than we had.

Emmett tugged on my arm and pulled me to the side before he started talking quietly.

"I know this is kind of short notice, man, but Bells needs a place to stay." He could have punched me in the face and I would have felt exactly the same.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, her and Jake broke up and she's got nowhere to go. Dad just started seeing that Sue woman and she doesn't want to intrude on whatever the hell that's about. She just wants to get away from Seattle. All her friends there are Jake's friends and shit, ya know?"

I could tell that most of those words, with the exception of a few embellishments, were probably verbatim from Bella. I looked back toward the table where she was talking with the girl beside her. Almost instantaneously she was looking straight back at me.

And she looked nervous.

"Have you even talked to Garrett about this? I mean, where are we gonna put her? We don't exactly have a lot of extra space." His expression morphed into one of guilt. I started tugging on my hair while mentally preparing myself for what I was about to hear. "What'd you do, Em?"

"I may have asked him to stay at Kate's for a few weeks."

"Are you kidding me? He practically shit himself when he asked her out for the first time _one_ _month _ago. And now you're asking him to basically move in with her?"

Kate had stayed in touch with all three of us even though her and Em didn't stay together. After visiting a couple times our freshman year, she fell in love with Southern California and wound up transferring to the law program at our school this past Fall. When Garrett finally confessed to Emmett that he was pretty much in love with her, they had a short, awkward conversation that ended with Emmett's blessing.

"It's not like they just met. They've known each other forever."

He started scratching the back of his neck and avoided eye contact. I didn't bother addressing what he'd said because I could tell that even he knew it was total bullshit.

"So he said yes to this?"

"Well, uh... The answer to the _question_ was yes... But I guess I didn't really ask _him _exactly..."

"What do you mean?"

"I may have called Kate and asked if she'd be cool with it."

I shook my head at him.

"Dude, you're a shithead."

"Whatever, man. The point is, Garrett is staying with Kate for a few weeks and he's probably stoked about it. So are you cool with Bell staying with us until she finds her own place?"

I tried to taper down the panic that was building up inside me.

"Yeah, sure. She can stay as long as she wants."

He threw an arm out and slapped me on the back in thanks before turning to the rest of the table.

"I told you he wouldn't mind you staying with us, B. You were worried for nothing."

Bella smiled softly at me but I turned to look at Maggie. I knew the confusion in her eyes was well founded, as well as the hurt. I'd just agreed to let a grown woman stay in my apartment without even talking to her. She looked away from me and hid behind her hair. The wall of red was a tell-tale sign that I was in trouble.

I moved to sit down and almost jumped when Bella's hand touched my wrist. She whispered a quiet _'thank you.'_ I pulled my hand away as discretely as possible before leaning down and giving her a cordial hug.

"Nice to see you, Bella."

I tried to keep it casual as I sat down and reached for Maggie's hand under the table.

"Bella, this is Maggie. Maggie, this is Emmett's sister, Bella."

They both smiled at each other and with the hand I wasn't holding onto, Maggie reached over and shook Bella's. The clearing of a throat to her left caused Bella to laugh.

"Sorry, I'm being rude. Edward, Maggie, this is my best friend Alice and her husband, Jasper."

When her companion started talking a mile a minute, a fuzzy memory of Bella telling me about her energetic college roommate surfaced.

"Edward, it's so nice to finally meet you. Bella's always told me so many stories about the three stooges she watched grow up in Forks and you were the only one I hadn't met yet. Jazz and I have even ventured down to Forks and you were never anywhere to be found."

Bella leaned forward on the table which brought her closer to me.

"Yeah, Edward's been a hard one to track down since he started college."

The proximity of her eyes and her lips and her skin had me on edge. A soft _'ouch'_ to my right distracted me as Maggie pulled her hand out of my grasp. A heavy feeling of guilt filled my chest but I forced a smile, keeping my gaze on the only girl I was _supposed _to have eyes for.

"Yeah, I guess I've just been really busy with my new life here."

The short glare that went unnoticed by everyone else told me Maggie wasn't fooled by my words. My erratic nerves in the past five minutes were enough to show her that something was off, and she wasn't happy that I'd led her into the night blind. The silent exchange we shared was over but I knew we'd have to talk and it was probably going to hurt us both.

We were distracted by Bella bringing up stories of all the trouble Emmett and I got into when we were kids. She told Maggie about how often we were forced clap erasers outside the classroom that first year I lived in Forks. That story acted as the catalyst for an evening of _'remember when's._

Alice explained to me that she'd met Bella in a required math class and they bonded over their mutual hatred for Julie Chen. Though, at three margaritas in each, neither could pinpoint the reasons why. They'd lived together for four years and were using alcohol to nurse the hurt they felt at their inevitable separation. When Alice started singing along with the music in the restaurant, Jasper made the decision to call it a night while the two could still walk on their own. If Maggie hadn't been suspicious before, when Bella gave me an extra long hug outside the restaurant, loudly asking why I never returned her calls, I'm sure she would have caught on by then.

The silence when we returned to my car was excruciating as Maggie toyed with the hem of her skirt. I silently begged her to turn around but staying faced away from me, she spoke.

"I just always thought it was that girl you've mentioned from high school that made you the way that you are." She paused but I couldn't speak. I had a feeling she wasn't looking for a response anyway. She looked down and spoke even softer. "I know you said you were never completely invested in her, so it didn't really affect you when she cheated... But up until now I just thought you were being a boy and playing the whole _I-don't-care _bit you guys tend to do when you get hurt... But it really never bothered you, did it?"

I was already looking at her when she turned to me. Her blue eyes were glassy and I didn't know what to do. I'd never seen her cry before.

"No. I didn't ever really care for Lauren the way that she probably deserved..."

She looked away again but I didn't miss the way her face screwed up.

"Then why did you date her for so long?"

I knew she wasn't asking for Lauren. She thought that I was doing the same thing with her now that I'd done back then. I grabbed her arm, trying to get her to look at me.

"Maggs, come on. You know it's not like that."

She sniffled and it sucked because I knew I was hurting her and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Isn't it, Edward? Just how long have you been in love with Emmett's sister?"

To have it phrased so simply really cut into me. _Infatuated, yeah. But love? Is that what this was? _I couldn't figure out an answer for her _or _myself. Eventually my silence really got to her.

"Can you take me home?"

"Maggie-"

"Please."

I sighed and wiped my hand over my face. Out of all of the scenarios I had gone through in my head about how the night would go, this actually hadn't been one of them. By the time we reached her building, Maggie had changed from visibly upset to almost stoic. It was killing me that I felt so out of control; That Bella could still have such an effect on this part of my life.

"Can we just talk about this, Maggie?"

She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Give me a few days, Edward. I think it would be good if we both had a little time to think, you know?"

I swallowed my words of resistance and nodded. She smiled at me before she got out of the car and walked away.

I tried calling her the next day but she wouldn't answer. When two days passed and she still wouldn't talk to me, I asked Rose what to do. She told me that she didn't know what was going on with us, but that Maggie wanted space and had asked her to tell me to cool it for a while. She also took a bunch of her stuff out of the apartment.

I think the day I really gave up on Maggie was the same day Bella moved her stuff in. Alice and Jasper had travelled back and forth from Seattle with her to help bring her things. We were almost finished bringing everything up when I noticed a familiar photograph sticking out of a box on the coffee table. As I lifted it out, I could almost feel the sun of that hot summer day two years ago when she'd handed it to me the first time. I was at a loss as to how she'd gotten it back.

"Your mom said she found it under your bed."

Her voice startled me and I almost dropped it.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. When she found out I was moving out here she came to Charlie's and asked me to give it to you."

Emmett started calling for her from outside so she just smiled and left it at that before heading back out. That was so like her. She could have made me feel like an asshole for leaving behind a gift she'd specifically given me to take here, but she didn't.

When I stared down at our younger, smiling faces, it was like the past two years never even happened. The feelings that had slowly been resurfacing since the night out with everyone slammed into me all at once. I carried the picture into my own room and put it on my dresser.

Maybe it was all for the best. I could never have been what Maggie needed. There was an entire part of myself that I'd given away a long time ago. Bella had taken it without even knowing and I was never going to get it back.

I just had to hope that having her back in my life wasn't going to derail any of the plans I had for my future.


	13. 5:01 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 5:01** **PM**

_What twisted people we are. How simple we seem, or pretend to be in front of others, and how twisted we are deep down. How paltry we are and how spectacularly we contort ourselves before our own eyes and the eyes of others... And all for what? To hide what? To make people believe what? -_Roberto Bolaño, _2666_

The noise in the room is chaotic. Glasses of champagne are sitting untouched by my dinner companions as I go over the words I've been reciting to myself the past two weeks again in my head.

He's only a few feet away from me now. He's joking with a pretty bridesmaid and I have to pretend I don't remember any of their history. I have to pretend that my heart isn't on fire at the sight of their smiling faces.

Before his eyes can turn on me I look away and stare instead at the bride and groom.

When I look at Emmett, I still see that six-year-old boy who needs help with his spelling test because mom is too busy fighting Charlie to give a damn. He still has that dark curly hair and those adorable dimples but I have to remind myself that he's all grown up now. He works a full time job and coaches pee-wee football for little boys like the one he used to be.

A lump forms in my throat. I hope for my ego's sake that I can hold back my tears when I speak to the room but I'm just so proud of the man he's turned into.

The idle chit-chat of the reception is interrupted once again by a voice echoing around the room. While I couldn't focus on the words, I know what was said because now everyone is looking at me, waiting.

A microphone appears in front of me and I stand, willing my hands not to shake as I take it.

"Hello, everyone. As most of you probably already know, I'm Bella, Emmett's older sister. As such, I think I can say better than anyone that Emmett becoming a married man is one of the strangest sentences ever to be spoken," I take a second to look at him and that stupid grin covers his face. "But I can also say that I couldn't be happier that Emmett has found someone who loves him enough to put up with his shenanigans."

Rosalie smiles shyly as her new husband wraps an arm around the back of her seat.

"When Rose first asked me to be the maid of honor, I was a little shocked, but I'm eternally grateful that I've grown so close with someone I know has the resilience to keep Emmett in check and make him so irrevocably happy at the same time. I've watched the two of you together for years, and I have no doubt in my mind that if there is anyone in this world who can make love look easy, it's the two of you. You guys have a lifetime ahead of happy memories and, if Emmett has anything to do with it, I'm sure there'll be a few scandalizing ones to add into the mix. But I want you guys to always remember that what you've found together is something sacred, and I hope you cherish it with everything you have. I've seen you help each other grow, and I know for a fact that you are the wonderful people that you are because of each other. You make each other better, and I feel that I can speak for a lot of the people here when I say that you've made _us_ better, too."

Every pair of eyes in the room are on me but I know my pulse is only reacting to one of them.

"To Rosalie and Emmett," I say, raising my glass from the table.

Everyone in the room follows suit and I release the breath I've been holding since halfway through my speech. As the clapping dies out and I sit, the object of my anxiety counteracts me by standing. There's no looking away now, and it's agonizing because unlike me who had kept my gaze in constant movement through every word, his is firmly fixed.

And it's not on the new happy couple.

"Good evening everyone. For anyone who doesn't know me, my name is Edward."

* * *

**AN: Someone recommended my story for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand. Just wanted to thank you guys for being such fantastic readers and reviewers and just for reading in general! You guys are the greatest!**


	14. September 13, 2009

**Saturday, September 13, 2009**

_If only I could visit you as a foreigner goes into a new country, learn the language of you, wander past all borders into every private and secret place. I would stay forever. I would become a citizen of you. -_Lisa Kleypas, _A Wallflower Christmas_

After tossing my apron on the counter I opened the fridge and bent down to look for something to eat. I leaned in to peruse a couple of mystery tupperware containers when I got the shit scared out of me.

"Hey, Edward."

I nearly smacked my head inside the fridge as I spun around. _She's been here for five months and I still can't get used to it. _She smirked at me, her head sticking up over the couch, one arm draped over the side to keep her upright.

"Oh hey, Bell," I said, looking down at my watch in confusion. "Aren't you supposed to be out with Charlie?"

Much to my torture, Emmett's claim that Bella would only be staying for a few weeks was shot to hell the moment Garrett told us he wouldn't be moving back in. I was happy for him and Kate and everything... But Emmett and I couldn't afford the rent on our own, so when Bella got her fancy job at a restaurant in L.A., she offered to stay until we could get a replacement.

Only Emmett and I hadn't really put any efforts into finding one.

"Apparently there was some trouble with a younger boy back home. He didn't go into specifics but the Chief had to take care of it. He's gonna come next weekend to make it up to me."

Forgetting about my previous hunt for food, I walked over to sit down in my usual chair but as I got closer, Bella sat up and moved her legs to make space for me on the couch. Resigned, I changed my course and plopped down next to her.

"So what about Alice and Jasper? Or Emmett and Rose?"

"Em and I went to lunch earlier so he could take Rose out for their anniversary tonight. And Al is stuck in Seattle with a client so I told Jazz not to bother."

"So you're alone on your birthday?"

She shrugged.

"I'm not all that excited for twenty-four anyway." I rolled my eyes dramatically and she laughed. "Oh, you just wait. You've still got one more birthday to be excited about, but after twenty-one, it's all downhill."

"Yeah, yeah." _Like I needed to be reminded of the age difference._ "So what are you gonna do?"

She waved her hand over the coffee table where a chinese food menu and several movies laid in front of her. I checked the time again to see that I had an hour and a half before I was supposed to meet up with Garrett. Knowing he wouldn't care all that much about my bailing, I shot off a text.

"So are you set on drowning your sorrows in moo shu all by yourself, or would you like some company?"

She smiled and picked up the menu and a pen, handing them both to me.

"Just circle what you want and I'll call it in."

As I looked at the different kinds of noodles, my mind drifted to the wrapped present I had hidden underneath my bed. About a month ago I'd had some time to kill before work and I found myself at a thrift shop in Los Angeles. I just went in to look around but I saw it and immediately thought of her. Without hesitating, I bought it and it wasn't until I'd gotten back to the apartment that I realized it felt like a little much.

As she called in the food, I sneaked away into my room. I crouched down and pulled out the small box. Turning it over in my hands, I debated whether or not I could give it to her without feeling like a jackass.

I was kneeling on the floor by my bed with the door closed when she called for me, probably wondering where I disappeared to. I panicked and shoved the gift into my the drawer of my nightstand. I got up and walked over to my closet where I pulled out the unopened bottle of gin leftover from Garrett's birthday. I took a deep breath and left the present burning a hole in the back of my mind.

Unfortunately, when I was standing in front of her with a giant bottle of alcohol, it felt even more stupid than it would have if I'd just brought out the damn present.

"Whatcha got there, Edward?"

"Uh... Gin?"

She raised her eyebrows and spun around, walking toward the kitchen as she called back to me.

"I guess I can overlook the underage drinking thing just this once."

A huge sigh of relief escaped me as she approached the cabinets where we kept our cups. I walked in and set the bottle down on the counter before moving toward the freezer to get some ice. When I turned around, she had already pulled a couple cans of soda from the fridge.

"This is all we've got, but I'm sure it'll do."

She took the tray out of my hands and started mixing. I rested my elbows on the counter which brought me closer to her height.

"Playing bartender, huh?"

She laughed and nudged my shoulder with hers. I could smell her shampoo and I immediately felt my heart start to race at the small amount of physical contact. It occurred to me then that drinking hard alcohol with the object of my obsession may not have been my brightest idea.

A few hours and probably too many drinks later, that fear was long forgotten. I found myself sitting down next to a completely inebriated Bella and placed the now half empty handle of gin in front of her.

"Merry christmas, Yoki."

She laughed and grabbed the bottle.

"It's Yoko, Edward. What is yoki, like, the asian bear that prevents forest fires?"

I took the bottle back in jest.

"No, it's from that song about war... Wait, what?"

She stopped laughing at me and looked all serious.

"You know, that bear that stops the fires?"

I thought hard.

"There's a bear named Yogi... But he doesn't prevent forest fires."

"Oh. Well, what bear does that?"

"I forget... Is it Rex?"

Her confused expression was adorable.

"Rex is a dinosaur, Edward. Are you sure it's not Yogi?"

I carefully grabbed my laptop from the chinese food graveyard and paused the Christmas music she had playing. While I started searching the internet for fire stopping animals, I heard the sloshing of liquid in a cup.

"Smokey! That's the name of the bear." Next I brought up an image search and turned the computer around to face her. "Look, this is Yogi. He doesn't seem like he's into preventing forest fires, does he?"

She squinted her eyes at the screen and pointed at me.

"You don't know that. Maybe he's running to put one out right there."

I hunched over the screen, looking at him upside down before staring back at her.

"With a tie on?"

She shrugged.

"He dresses for the occasion."

I moved back, taking my computer and typing in my next search.

"That's a poor choice, Bella."

She crossed her arms.

"Yeah, well maybe he was at a party and he got a page. Like a doctor. He's a bear doctor for trees."

"He has a pager? Bella, most humans don't have pagers, let alone cartoon bears. Do pagers even exist anymore?"

She huffed and I wanted to laugh because she was getting so frustrated with me.

"He's a bear, Edward. Maybe he's behind on the times. Cut him some slack."

I spun the computer back around.

"This is Smokey. Now that's a bear who knows how to put out some forest fires."

She leaned in closer and as her hair grazed the skin of my knee, I silently berated myself for changing into shorts.

"Why does he have a shovel, Edward?"

"To stomp out the fires."

"Last I checked you stomp with your foot."

"Maybe he shovels dirt onto it."

"Well, that's just stupid. Ever heard of a bucket, Smokey? Fill it with water from a stream or something."

I bit the inside of my cheek as she rested her hand on my knee to keep her steady. I tried to keep my voice even.

"Well, I don't see Yogi prepared with any tools."

That one seemed to stump her. After a few seconds of silence she scooted back and looked at me.

"Whatever. The whole point here is that Yogi _could_ put out fires if he so chose."

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I laughed and she smacked my chest in retaliation.

"You're ridiculous."

She smacked me again.

"You can't call me ridiculous. It's my birthday."

Her voice sounded so heartbroken and I took a second to really look at her.

Her whole body was swallowed up by a big blue t-shirt she'd stolen from Emmett's room, and her hair was kind of all over the place. She had cleaned off the little make-up she'd been wearing back when she'd declared ten o'clock 'pajama time,' but she still looked incredible with her rosy cheeks and glossed over eyes.

_She was gonna kill me._

With the sudden urge to give her the present, I put my laptop back on the table and abruptly stood.

"Where are you going?"

I smiled and raised one finger before running to my room. With the gift in my hand and the single thought of no regrets, I quickly reentered the room and handed it to her. She looked up at me with surprised brown eyes and moved the hand that wasn't holding her present to her chest.

"Oh, Edward. You didn't have to get me anything!"

Her shock brought back my nerves and I grabbed the bottle from the table, slamming back a large sip. As the alcohol burned down my throat, I could hear her tearing off the wrapping paper.

When I finally looked back at her, she was staring at me, speechless.

_Oh god, she hated it._

"You don't have to wear it. In fact, I can just take it back right now."

She pulled away from my grasp and I backed up.

"Don't you dare be an indian giver!"

I laughed and sat back down next to her while she toyed with the chain.

"It's really beautiful, Edward. I feel like I can never find jewelry that suits me but this is just perfect."

I looked down at my lap and smiled to myself.

"You promise you like it?"

She was running her fingers over the blue stones before she unclasped it and handed it to me.

"I promise. Would you put it on me?"

She turned around and scooted her body back into me. She moved her hair out of the way and I was faced with her pale, smooth skin only inches from my face. With the amount of alcohol I had running through my veins, it was all I could do not to lean forward and run my nose down her neck. With shaking hands, I managed to close the silver chain around her without making an ass out of myself. After finishing, I cleared my throat.

"All set."

She turned back around, her hands still tracing over the jewels as she smiled at me.

"This is so much better than the last time I was offered jewelry."

She laughed but then her eyes got all wide and she slapped a hand over mouth.

"What happened the last time you were offered jewelry, Bella?"

She shook her head at me but I wasn't going to let it go that easily. When I went to speak again she interrupted me by loudly taking a deep breath and downing the rest of her drink. She looked at me again. I thought she was going to say something but instead she just reached over to the bottle in my hands and followed my example by taking a decent sized gulp. She winced and a very strange noise came out of her mouth as her whole body shuddered. She shook her head and passed the bottle back to me.

"Okay. I'll tell you, but you have to promise _not _to tell Emmett."

I nodded, eagerly waiting for her to continue and she clenched her eyes closed.

"The reason I left Seattle was because Jake proposed and I said no."

She spoke the words so quickly I was sure I heard her wrong.

"Can you repeat that for me?"

She scowled and tried to grab the bottle back but I held it away.

"I _said _that Jake proposed and I said _no. _That's the real reason why I left home."

"Are you serious, Bella?"

"No, I'm joking."

She followed up her words with an adorable hiccup.

"Holy, shit, Bells."

"Ugh."

She pushed her face into the couch cushions and mumbled into it.

"What was that?"

She groaned and pulled her face away.

"I said, Alice was wrong. I do _not _feel better saying that out loud."

I laughed and pulled her over to me.

"It's okay, Bella. I mean, I can't say I feel too sorry for the guy. It sucks for him that he lost someone like _you, _but that guy was such a dick."

"What do you mean someone like me?"

_Oh, shit._

"You know... You're a cool girl."

She pulled away.

"I am?"

I laughed again and comforted myself by the fact that maybe neither one of us would remember this tomorrow.

"You are."

She sighed and relaxed back into me. She started playing with the hair on my arm and I'd never felt anything better than the slow movement of her fingertips.

_On second thought, I _really_ hoped at least _I_ would remember this._

"Edward?"

"Mm?"

"Do you think I could ever open my own restaurant?"

My brain was getting fuzzy and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open, but I heard her.

"Bella, I think you can do anything you want."

She giggled softly and as her breathing started to even out, she mumbled what sounded like 'I missed you.' Before I had a chance to ask her to clarify what she'd said, soft little snores were echoing through the now otherwise silent room.

Over the past couple of months it had become apparent that my misguided attempts in cutting her out of my life had actually hurt Bella. With her asleep on the couch next to me, I had to remind myself that I was no longer that fourteen year old kid. I was twenty and past the point of holding a grudge against a pretty girl for not being able to magically sense that I was hopelessly in love with her. In my drunken stupor, with her soft body snuggling into my side, I vowed to never run from her again. I would stay in her life until she asked me to leave, and I would accept her in whatever capacity she was willing to give.


	15. 5:19 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 5:19 PM**

_I don't hear your words: your voice reverberates against my body like another kind of caress, another kind of penetration. I have no power over your voice. It comes straight from you into me. I could stuff my ears and it would find its way into my blood and make it rise. -_Anais Nin, _Henry and June_

For a moment I see a flicker of the hurt I've caused but he quickly recovers. The alcohol in my system is catching up to me as my eyes rake over him, selfishly taking in the sight I haven't allowed myself all day. I haven't seen him in a suit since his senior prom, but I don't recall having these kinds of thoughts about him then.

"I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who had a hand in helping today turn out so remarkably for the new happy couple."

My entire body is vibrating just from the sound of his voice. I haven't heard it in months and I have to resist the urge to close my eyes and get lost in it.

"When Emmett asked me to be his best man, it made me realize just how far we've come from those young kids who liked to try and give our poor parents heart attacks by jumping off cliffs and chasing after ghost stories."

I try to think of the first time I ever saw Edward. It hurts that I can't remember.

"We've been through a few milestones together. Some could even say that without me, this blessed union may not have come to be."

He smiles cheekily at Rose who rolls her eyes while the room gives a few chuckles. His expression softens.

"But in all seriousness... I was there the night the two of you met, and even after her older cousin had practically dragged Rosalie back to the car," he says, shooting a wink to the same bridesmaid he'd been chatting up earlier. "I was there for the rest of the night when Emmett couldn't stop asking me questions about that gorgeous blonde I'd obviously been hiding from him... Well, Rose, it's been over five years and he still hasn't shut up about you."

I laugh but at the same time I feel like my emotions are about to take an ugly turn. When his eyes are back on me it feels like everyone else has left the room and his poignant words are directed only at me.

"Love is an incredible thing, and it's not to be taken lightly. Something I think you guys are lucky to have found is the bond of friendship you have to go with it. What you've created is wonderful," the crack in his voice is almost imperceptible but I hear it, and after that his stare hardens. "When you're blessed like that, you don't just throw it away."

When his gaze turns, air fills my lungs and I silently beg him to look back at me. My heart is pounding and I wish I could take him inside my mind and make him understand. His voice was so cold and I look around at the table to see if anyone else had noticed but everyone seems to still be enraptured by him. However I notice there's one pair of eyes looking back at me; _that pretty bridesmaid._ Maggie cocks and eyebrow at me and I can't help but be confused. _Is she back with Edward? Has he told her what happened? Would Rosalie and Emmett get upset if I climbed over the table and wiped that smug expression off of her perfect face?_

I'm distracted from my thoughts by the volume increasing in Edward's voice as he wraps up his speech.

"As a great poet once said, _'To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.' _Here's to Rosalie and Emmett and the happiness of married life. My congratulations and love to the both of you. Cheers."

He raises his glass and as everyone else does the same, I find myself scanning the room for the nearest exit. Maybe Alice was right about my always running away, but if there is one thing I can't do right now, it's let Edward or anyone else at this damn table see me turn into a emotional wreck.


	16. February 14, 2010

******Sunday, February 14, 2010**

_He never intended to love her. But now it was over. He had crossed over the gulf to her, and all that he had left behind had shriveled and become void. -_D.H. Lawrence, "The Horse Dealer's Daughter"

Every time we stopped at a red light I had to keep myself from staring at her in the short, dark blue dress she wore. I asked myself for the hundredth time what I'd been thinking when I had agreed to this. Though admittedly, she hadn't actually given me a choice.

It had been her turn to pick a film for our recently dubbed 'Friday Movie Nights,' and, in honor of the upcoming holiday, she picked some girly romantic comedy. I was already having a hard time staying awake when twenty minutes into the movie she started yelling at the television set.

_"No. That is so unrealistic!"_

_Having not paid attention I looked back and forth between her and the screen with no idea what she was talking about. She waved her hands wildly and gestured toward the TV._

_"If you meet a guy at a party, and he asks you to leave so you can 'talk'_ _and you actually agree, you'll go to his place, probably end up sleeping with him, and then you never see or hear from him again."_

_I snorted._

_"Don't you think you sound a little cynical?"_

_She huffed and crossed her arms, resting back into the couch._

_"No, I'm being realistic. Look at Riley. The only reason he stayed around as long as he did was because I wouldn't give it up." _Thank god for that. _"And he only lasted a month and a half!"_

_I rolled my eyes._

_"You were the one who told him to get lost, B. That guy would still be following you around with his guitar if you'd let him."_

_She managed to laugh and shudder at the same time._

_"Remind me never to try dating a musician again."_

Yeah. That I could do.

_"Why'd you pick this movie if you knew it would piss you off?"_

_A long, drawn out sigh escaped her as she let her body slump over the arm of the couch._

_"I've always liked Valentine's Day. It wasn't until the movie started that I realized I liked it because I haven't _not _had a valentine since before I was in high school."_

_"What a hard life you must lead."_

_She slapped my arm._

_"Edward, there is nothing wrong with getting enjoyment out of being in a relationship."_

_"I agree. What I think is 'wrong' is the fact that you can't seem to _not _be in a relationship for five seconds. You're just like my boss."_

_Ben was my supervisor for the internship I'd gotten at a software company. I'd been told that he'd gotten out of a serious relationship last year but since I'd known him, he'd been serial dating left and right._

_Bella looked thoughtful for a moment before turning to me._

_"How old is he again?"_

_She couldn't be serious._

_"No." She started pouting. "No, Bella. Do you know how awkward that could wind up being for me?"_

_"But, Edward-"_

_"No. Besides, you've heard the way I talk about him, why would you want to go for a guy like that?"_

_"What, a guy who happens to be looking for something serious instead of a one night stand? A guy you say is funny and obviously intelligent?"_

_I resisted the urge to jump on the couch and scream at the top of my lungs for her to stop seeing other men. Instead I felt my jaw clench and my teeth grind together as she continued._

_"I just want a date for Valentine's Day. Is that too much to ask for? Oh! I have an idea." She grabbed her cell phone from off the coffee table in front of her and started typing. "We can double! I know for a fact that you think Angela is cute. So if I hook that up then you owe me!"_

_Angela was a waitress at the restaurant Bella worked at. I'd met and talked to her the few times I'd gone to pick Bella up from work. Sure, she was pretty, but I wasn't interested._

_"Bella, I want no part in this."_

_"Oh, come on, Edward. It's going to be fun!"_

_"No, Bella. Seriously. I mean it."_

I was walking into a crowded, dimly lit restaurant to literally watch Bella go on a date with someone else, all because I couldn't deny her anything even if it killed me. I stood sullenly as she explained to an annoyed looking hostess that we were part of a reservation that should already have been seated. As we were led to the table, I saw Ben and Angela sitting next to each other, laughing.

"Sorry we're late!" Bella smiled as we approached. I waved at Angela and turned to say hello to Ben but the attention from Bella already had him preoccupied.

I tried not to grimace as I sat down. After a few brief re-introductions around the table, our waiter came to take our orders at which point Bella caught me smirking at her. She sent me a short-lived glare and asked for a few more minutes to look over the menu. I tried to hide my amusement but apparently I didn't do a very good job.

"Shut up, Edward."

"I didn't even say anything."

"You don't have to speak. I know what you're thinking."

I laughed while Ben and Angela looked on, confused, turning to me for an explanation as Bella sat pretending that nothing was going on.

"You guys are about to learn what it's like to eat out with a chef."

Bella pouted which caused me to laugh harder.

"I'm not _that_ bad."

I rolled my eyes and opened my own menu. When the waiter returned, Ben, Angela and I ordered while Bella dictated her own ridiculous stipulations for how her food needed to be prepared. After that we fell into a somewhat awkward lull before Angela tried starting a conversation with me.

"So Edward, are you nervous about only having on more year of school left?"

I shrugged.

"Hopefully I'm going to continue on and get my masters." Slightly distracted by the forming conversation between Bella and Ben, I put all efforts into focusing on _my _date. "What about you? What classes are you in now? You're at USC right?"

Ben perked up and interrupted as she was answering.

"You go to USC?" She nodded. "I graduated from there a couple of years ago. Did you take English Comp. with Mr. Jefferson?"

She giggled.

"Yeah! Oh, my god, he was so crazy!"

Ben followed suit and five minutes later they were off on some tangent about dining halls and dormitories. From the seat beside me, Bella leaned into me to whisper.

"Do you see what I see, here?" She nodded her head in the direction of our dinner companions. Disoriented by her nearness, I could no longer decipher their words but I could see their body language. Angela was smiling shyly and Ben's movements were subconsciously catering to hers.

"Holy shit."

My lack of filter resulted in two pairs of eyes landing on me, perplexed. Bella quickly came to my rescue, patting me on the back.

"I just told Edward here that my brother Emmett took his girlfriend to a restaurant you have to get a reservation for _weeks _in advance. He's surprised Emmett put that much thought into a date."

I nodded as they continued their conversation where they had left off. The fact that my slip was just a momentary interruption for them filled me with such relief that I had to hold back my smile.

I looked at Bella and she just sighed before waving our waiter over and ordering a glass of wine. By the time dessert rolled around Bella was on her fourth glass and Ben and Angela's conversation had yet to cease. She was snickering to me for most of the dinner but eventually her words started coming out a littler louder than she realized.

"Edward, I'm getting old. Hey! Don't laugh at me. It's true! Look. Even a guy my age prefers someone whose younger than _you!"_

Her comment seemed to embarrass the both of them, or it at least made them extremely uncomfortable. I stood and moved to help Bella stand as well.

"All right guys, I'm gonna take this one home." I started wrapping her coat around her shoulders. "Ben, I'll see you tomorrow at work. Angela it was lovely seeing you again. You guys get home safe and don't worry about tonight."

"Oh yeah, don't worry about it, guys! Go on home together and have a great f-"

I clamped my hand over her mouth and smiled at the two of them.

"Bye, guys!"

As I tried to move through the restaurant Bella's weight was pressed heavily into my side.

"God, Edward. What'd you do that for?"

I couldn't help chuckling.

"I know the memories are a little fuzzy, but if I remember the last time I saw you drunk correctly, you're rapidly approaching the point where you probably don't want to be in public anymore."

"Are you kidding me? I am a totally fun drunk."

"And I'm not disputing that, but I think it's safe to say that we are past your fun stage and arriving swiftly at your honesty hour."

"No way, Edward! I've got some time left!"

After strapping her in, I ran over to the other side of the car and slipped inside where she was already flipping through radio stations. It was seconds before her very loud, very off key voiced filled the car.

"AND WHEN YOU SMILE, THE WHOLE WORLD STOPS AND STARES FOR A WHILE CAUSE GIRL, YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARRRRRRRE."

I turned down the volume knob and watched as her energy deflated.

"What'd you do that for?"

"It's ten o'clock at night on a Sunday, Bella. People aren't prepared to hear this right now."

She stuck her tongue out at me before leaning back and staring out the window. By the time we got back home, she was completely out. So much so, that I had to carefully maneuver her out of the car and carry her limp body into our building. When we had finally reached her bedroom, I ungracefully dropped her into her bed and she rolled over my arm keeping me trapped there. Then she started mumbling.

"Edward, why can't I find somebody as nice as you?"

I sighed and chose not to dignify that with a response because who knew what reply would tumble out; _Hello, I'm right here! I'm as nice as me. You don't have to look for anybody else._

I tried to pull my arm out from under her and she rolled closer, leaving only a few inches between our faces. It was then that I started wondering why I was trying so hard to get out from under her.

"Bella?"

Her eyes cracked open, and even though her room was only lit by a small lamp on her desk, I could still make them out perfectly.

"Edward," she whispered in reply.

Her face creeped closer to my own until soft wet lips were pressed against my own. I pressed closer, tasting the chocolate from her desert and the wine she'd been drinking all night. The moment the thought reached my consciousness I pulled away.

She smiled with her eyes closed as I slowly pulled my arm out from under her and she snuggled into her pillows. I turned off her light and stumbled out of her room, shutting the door behind me.

I leaned my head back on the door with a thud and tried to remember how to breathe properly.

_She _kissed _me. _She said _my _name reverently, and then she _kissed _me.

I tossed and turned the entire night, barely getting any sleep because all I could think of was the warmth of her mouth on mine. When I woke in the morning I stood in my room for ten minutes trying to work up the nerve to go out there and talk to her about it. I didn't want her to feel embarrassed. I was going to tell her know that I enjoyed it and would welcome her to do it again any time that she liked... Just not in those exact words.

When I stepped out, I smelt coffee and bacon and as I walked toward the kitchen I could see her bare toes sticking out from behind the counter. When I rounded the corner she stood in her pajamas making breakfast. She noticed me and looked a little disconcerted.

"Good morning, Edward... I just wanted to apologize for last night."

_She regretted it._

"Bella, you don't have to-"

"No, really. I do. Honestly, I don't even remember leaving the restaurant. Who knows what I said, and to your boss no less. I'm a horrible friend."

I couldn't decide what hurt worse, that she didn't remember the kiss, or that she'd called her my friend on top of everything else.

"It's okay, Bella. No harm done. I'm gonna just go hop in the shower real quick."

She nodded and continued cooking, apologizing one more time before I left the room.

I wanted to turn around and tell her what happened. I wanted to walk up to her, put my hands on her shoulders and shake her until she remembered. Was she lying because she was embarrassed? Did it mean so little to her that even her subconscious didn't care about me that way?

I stepped into my bathroom and took off my shirt.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes, wondering if I could be what she needed. Sure, four years felt like a lot when I was fourteen, but I was practically twenty-one now.

Whether she was lying or not didn't matter. I just didn't know how much longer I could put time into waiting around for her to notice what was right in front of her.

* * *

**AN: Don't hate me! Just wanted to drop a quick apology for the lack of update. The past two weeks have been crazy and I was almost finished with this chapter when my laptop died without having saved it so I had to do a little rewrite. Hopefully it won't take me this long again! Thank you for sticking with me. :) Happy belated Valentine's Day!**


	17. 5:31 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 5:31 PM**

_I've always protected myself when it comes to love. And maybe that's the problem. By not letting myself get hurt now, it ripples into much bigger pain later. _-Jay Asher/Carolyn Mackler,_ The Future of Us_

I follow as everyone around me stands and claps in honor of my brother and his new bride. _I__ have to get out of here. _As discreetly as possible, I walk away from my table. I move through the lobby and spot glass doors to my right that look like they lead to a patio. I move as quickly as I can in my heels, thanking god silently when the door is unlocked.

The cold air rushes in as I go out. It bites at my skin but I revel in the release of tension I feel at finally being alone. The moment is cut short when I hear the door behind me open again. My hands clutch at the railing in front of me.

"Bella?"

My shoulders sag in relief and I turn around.

"Hey, James. What are you doing out here?"

He shrugs and walks over to me.

"You looked freaked out when you ran out of there. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I feel the blood drain from my face as he hurriedly continues. "Nobody else noticed, I don't think."

I choose to believe him, even though I know he's probably wrong. He stands next to me and pulls a pack of cigarettes from his suit pocket.

"I thought Charlie got you off of those."

He sighs and takes one out, placing it between his lips, talking around it.

"It's been a long week."

I let out a humorless laugh and nod.

"I know how you feel. You got an extra?"

The shock in his eyes is hilarious but he pulls one out anyway and hands one over before leaning closer to light it for me. As I take the first drag, I successfully resist the urge to cough. I haven't smoked since college but apparently I've still got it.

"So..." I start. "You wanna talk about your long week?" He leans over the side of the balcony and blows smoke over the edge. "Is this about your parents?"

He grimaces slightly but shakes his head.

"For once, no..." He avoids eye contact, turning the stick of burning tobacco over in his hands. "It's about a girl."

The humility in his tone makes me smile. At least _this _I can help with.

"Well, luckily you're talking to one of those." He's silent for a few seconds and I nudge his shoulder with mine. He finally looks back at me. "Come on, what else are big sisters for?"

That same look of what I once interpreted as discomfort arises, but now I know it's just awe at be accepted.

"Do you think if you do something that you know is best for someone in the long run, but it _really _hurts them now, that they can ever forgive you?"

A wave of nausea works it's way into my body.

"Depends. How do you know what's best for this person?"

He's quiet, taking another drag and staring out into the darkness.

"I'm not good enough for her."

"James,-"

"I'm so fucked up, B. You have no idea how happy I am that Charlie has done everything he has, but I can't be enough for her."

My hand raises to his back.

"Honey, you are not your parents."

He shrugs me away and tosses his nearly finished cigarette into the darkness.

"I know I'm not them... But _they _weren't always them either."

I make another attempt to wrap my arm around his shoulders.

"I know what's happened to you was awful... But it has made you who you are. You're a gentle, intelligent young man. You're going to graduate from high school soon. A year from now, you'll be in college. They robbed you of the precious childhood you deserved. Don't let them take anything from your future."

He nods but I know it's not changing his mind.

"Would you rather this girl wind up with someone else?"

He grumbles and I have to ask him to repeat himself.

"I said, if there was someone who could make her happy, then yeah."

"Well, what if _you _make her happy?"

"I might, but I could hurt her, too."

I roll my eyes dramatically.

"Love hurts sometimes, kid. She could hurt you, too. Are you saying that she's not worth some pain?"

"What? No!"

"Then maybe you should consider the fact that she might feel the same way about you." I let go and look him in the eye. "Be honest with her. If she's worth anything at all she'll slap you for thinking so little of yourself."

He laughs and tucks his lighter back into his pocket before turning to leave.

"You should come back inside. You must be freezing."

"I'll be right behind you." I hold up the barely lit cigarette and he nods. "And for the love of god, cut that ponytail!"

He laughs and disappears inside.

As I lift my hand to my lips, it's shaking from the cold. The wind is blowing hard as I wrap my arms around myself. I'm so distracted by my own shivering that I don't hear the door open a second time. I nearly jump out of my skin when a layer of fabric is draped over my shoulders. My nose is filled with a familiar scent and I start feeling warmer immediately.

Without turning, I wait. I hear a long sigh before his voice surrounds me.

"Someone once told me those are bad for you."

I close my eyes and try to conceive the will to turn around.


	18. November 24, 2010

**Wednesday, November 24, 2010**

_What I wonder is this: how come you don't notice the time going by, and you don't think you are changing in any way, but then all of a sudden you realize that what you are thinking today is different from what you thought yesterday and that _you_ are different from what you were yesterday-or last week-or last month? _-Sharon Creech, _The Wanderer_

"Yep, I'll see you hopefully within an hour."

"All right, man. Let me know if you guys hit anymore traffic."

"Will do."

"Later."

"Bye, Em."

I placed my phone in the cup-holder next to me and snuck a glance at Bella who was still fast asleep in my passenger's seat. She was wearing _my _old UCLA sweatshirt and snuggling into one of _my _pillows. I couldn't actually complain because whenever she returned my belongings they smelt like her.

Kleptomania wasn't the only habit she'd developed. She'd also taken to pretending that we were _together_ whenever we were in public. She claimed that since the "Valentine's Day Fiasco" happened, she had sworn off dating and apparently I was good at keeping the '_lemmings' _away. All of the soft touches and kisses on the cheek were really pissing off Emmett, as well as driving me to the brink of insanity.

For months I'd been dying to ask her if she remembered the kiss but I was too chicken shit to bring it up. One half of me knew that realistically there were only so many more times I could wake up with her wrapped around me on the couch before I exploded, but the other half of me couldn't see myself giving that up by mentioning anything to her.

We landed in Seattle at ten o'clock in the morning and were now closing in on the sixth hour of our should-have-been _at most _four hour drive back home. We were celebrating both Thanksgiving and the finalization of James's adoption papers. Charlie had kept close tabs on his case after his parents had both been arrested the year before. When his fifth foster family in six months fell through, the Chief couldn't stand by anymore. It had been a long additional six months of paperwork, but it was finally over and James was officially a Swan. Bella took off work to help him move back in August and apparently they'd gotten pretty close. She was ecstatic when Charlie called with the good news.

As I pulled into the driveway, I finally nudged her sleeping form.

"Hey, B. We're here," I whispered.

She stirred slowly, visibly disoriented until her eyes landed on me. When they turned on the time they widened in shock and her scratchy voice came tumbling out.

"Holy crow, Edward! Why didn't you wake me? You must have been so bored."

_Bored? No. Unbearably contemplative? Yes._

"It's fine, Bella. You were out late with Jess. I didn't want to disturb you. What were you guys up to anyway?"

Jessica worked as the manager at Bella's restaurant and from what she'd told me, she wasn't all too fond of her. So imagine my surprise when I opened the door to find them giggling and exchanging phone numbers outside our apartment at two o'clock in the morning. I'd asked her several times throughout the day what had happened but she changed the subject every time.

She sighed in her half awake state, yawning while giving me a sideways glance.

"Fine... But this is all very new so don't tell anyone." She was pointing a suspicious finger in my direction so I mimed the motion of a cross over my heart. She smiled.

"Jess asked me out for drinks to talk about business. I was intrigued so I went. She's leaving _La Campagna _and she wants me to go with her."

"What do you mean?"

"She wants to open her own restaurant. She wants me to be part owner and head chef."

"Holy shit."

She nodded before turning a stern gaze on me.

"Remember, you can't tell _anyone._"

She left the car and headed towards the house without leaving me time to respond.

As we entered, we could hear talking and laughing filtering out from the kitchen. Charlie's wife Sue stood by stove, stirring spaghetti sauce while simultaneously swatting at Emmett's grabby hands. Rose sat at the table with Charlie and James. His hair was longer than the last time I'd seen it. Shaggy blonde locks were curling out from underneath a familiar Mariner's baseball cap.

As Bella hugged Emmett and started catching up with Sue, I sat in the open seat beside the newest addition to the family.

"Hey, James. How ya doin', buddy?" He shrugged and smiled slightly. In the several times I'd tried talking to him, I was always met with very limited responses. "Are you pumped about the short break from school?" He nodded and crossed his arms over the table. I consciously made an effort to keep my eyes on his face. This was the first time I'd seen him in a T-shirt and not an oversized hoodie, but Bella had told me about the scars. "Do you have Mr. Banner for Bio?" He nodded once again and I grinned. "If you ever need help with the labs let me know. That man loved me."

"Thanks, Edward."

I resisted the urge to pat him on the back because the last time I saw Emmett try something like that he kind of lost it.

Bella sat down across from me, waving at James. He nodded at her before Sue appeared with a bowl in each hand and Emmett followed closely behind with the rolls and eating utensils. As the table had gone silent when everyone began serving themselves, Charlie started making small talk.

"So, Edward, Bell tells me your Masters program has been keeping you busy."

I nodded while spooning pasta into my plate.

"Yeah. I'm just thankful UCLA accepted me for the second time."

Bella scoffed.

"Like there was ever any doubt." I stared at her questioningly. "Oh, don't give me that look. You are the epitome of a teacher's pet, Edward."

Before I could challange her, Emmett chimed in.

"Dude, she's right. Even when you were pulling pranks in high school, you still had the teachers eating out of the palm of your hand."

I rolled my eyes.

"Even if that's true, it's not like it was up to my professor's if I got in."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure a glowing recommendation from the department head didn't hurt your cause," Bella spoke before shoving a forkful of meatball into her mouth.

I could feel the tips of my ears burning and tried to change the subject.

"I guess I was just never out to make every teacher hate me. Em already had that covered."

All eyes turned to him and he smiled around his very full mouth, leading some of his food to ooze out through his teeth. Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head.

"You better not do that when we-"

She cut herself off as a her eyes went wide and her face considerably paled.

"When you what?" Charlie voiced aloud what we were all wondering, though I had a pretty good guess as to what she was implying.

Emmett looked nervous.

"Well, I was going to wait to tell you guys because it's James's big day and all..." He looked from Bella to me. "And I wanted to talk to you guys privately... But uh... Me and Rose have been talking about finding a place together."

Bella's expression of panic mirrored my own. Before this wouldn't have been an issue, but with the talk of Bella going into her own business our financial situation was about to change, big time.

"Well, congratulations, you two... But I've gotta ask. Rosalie, are you sure about this? Have you seen this messes this kid is capable of? I'd hate to have to make an arrest for the murder of my own son."

Everyone else laughed as Rose's face broke into a small smile. Bella attempted to recover from the uninhibited dread that was written all over her face, but as her eyes periodically continued to seek mine out, I knew she couldn't shake her worries. The rest of dinner seemed to drag on. The moment everyone had finished eating, Bella had excused herself to go to the bathroom. Not a minute later, my phone chirped signaling a text from her that instructed me to answer the phone when it rang and then excuse myself to take the call upstairs. She wanted to discuss a _'game plan.'_

I smiled down at my phone and felt a jab at my shoulder.

"Hey, Ed, got a new lady friend?"

I laughed as my phone started ringing. Seizing the opportunity, I waggled my eyebrows at him.

"Something like that."

"You dog!" He called after me rather loudly as I left the room.

I answered the phone before discreetly turning up towards the stairs, taking two at a time.

"You on your way?"

Before the word yes had completely escaped my lips she was pulling me into Emmett's old bedroom.

"I won't even ask about the _'dog' _comment," she huffed and sat on the bed. "I'm so screwed, Edward."

I sat down next to her.

"You're not screwed, B. We can find a way to make this work." I could tell she didn't believe me. "We _can._ We could find another roommate." _Though I knew neither of us actually wanted that. _"Or maybe we can make it work just the two of us."

"How?"

She seemed so small.

"I can afford to throw down more money for rent, and maybe you can keep working at the restaurant until the business gets on its feet?"

She shook her head.

"I'd probably be too busy to work as often at the restaurant as I do now... I have some money saved up but it won't last. I don't know how long it would even take for me and Jessica to make break even..." She tapered off, sounding even more disappointed then she had when she'd started.

I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she leaned against me.

"We'll face those problems as they come. We can't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. Let's focus on the bright sides of Emmett moving out." She pushed away to look at me. "Do you know how many less groceries we're going to have to buy?"

She laughed.

"Yeah... And I can't say I'll miss the several times I overheard he and Rose sharing some... _Quality_ time."

I shuddered. _I wouldn't miss that either._

"And we won't wake up with all the lights in the apartment and the TV still on."

"Oh! And we can have movie night whenever we want now!"

I smiled and nodded but inside, the last of my dignity was preparing itself for the infinite cold showers it knew lay ahead.

"See, Bella? Everything is going to be okay."

She surprised me then by throwing both of her arms around my neck.

"Thanks, Edward. You always know how to cheer me up."

I relaxed into her arms and cautiously wrapped my own around her waist. This was one of those moments where my fantasies clouded my perception of reality. I squeezed her tighter to me. As my heart started pumping faster in my chest, I slowly pulled away, letting my cheek graze the smooth skin of hers. She was frozen, centimeters from my face, staring at me when the door burst open and she was suddenly both standing, and much too far away.

When I turned to the doorway I saw a red-faced sixteen year old boy who looked absolutely mortified. It wasn't until that moment that I noticed that while this room _looked _a great deal like Em's room always had, there were definitely some things out of place and that I altogether didn't even recognize.

"Hey, James."

His hand raised in a silent wave before Bella was grabbing my arm and dragging me out of the room. My thoughts were all over the place.

Did James think we were kissing? _Were_ we going to kiss?

"Bella, stop."

I tugged on her hand as she continued to pull me toward the stairs. She stopped, steeled herself and turned around. At the look on her face that could only be described as petrified, my words caught in my throat. I stared at her, willing the fear to leave her eyes until my mouth made the decision for me.

"We shouldn't go down together, right?"

Relief spread through her features as a heavy feeling entered my chest. She nodded.

"Yeah, I'll go back down first. You wait a couple of minutes."

She let go of the hand I hadn't noticed she'd still had a firm grip on and I watched as she took the last of my hope with her.

* * *

**AN: Don't hate me! I have a vacation this upcoming week so there will be plenty of updates! :)**


	19. 5:42 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 5:42 PM**

_I felt stuck in the bottom of a wishing well. I was desperate to shout what I wanted, but I didn't know what that was. I knew only what it wasn't. _-Amy Tan, _The Hundred Secret Senses_

"Are you sure? I think I heard somewhere that smoking is good for your sanity." I know the words are trite the moment they leave my lips but as I turn around his eyes are boring into me. I scrounge for more words but nothing else will come out.

I toss the nearly finished cigarette over the side of the balcony.

"Maybe they had their facts mixed up," I say, trying to force a laugh.

He doesn't smile, just continues to stare a hole through my heart.

"How's the restaurant doing?"

I look down at my feet.

"It's doing really well. _Bon Appetit _even came in to do an article on us."

"Yeah, I saw that."

I look back at his face. _Of course he saw it._ He's been my number one supporter from the first day I even thought of doing this.

"What'd you think of Jess's interview?"

He looks away from me for the first time but steps closer, leaning his arms over the ledge.

"She was pretty well spoken. I'm sure it's going to do great things for your business."

His words may as well be sand pouring down my throat. I couldn't swallow if I tried and speaking is becoming increasingly difficult.

"What about you? Are you still working full time with Ben?"

A rueful smile takes place on his lips. Something about it sends my insides twisting away and I know he's going to ruin me.

"No. I'm not working there anymore."

My hands try to reach for him but I quickly decide that would be more than I can handle.

"What happened, Edward? Did something-"

"So what? Now you care?"

His eyes are like knives, carefully carving away at every brick of the wall I've built up between us.

"I've always cared about you, Edward. I could never-"

His humorless laugh stops me from continuing.

"You've always cared for me, Bella? As what, huh? As a younger brother?"

His words are harsh. It's so unlike any way I've ever heard him speak.

"As a friend."

"A friend?" He scoffs. "Wow, B. That's great. We're _friends. _How generous of you to clear that up for me."

My eyes are burning. I use every ounce of emotional strength I possess to keep my composure.

"Edward... I didn't mean to hurt you."

He swallows and looks away before turning back.

"Isn't that what everyone says? _'I didn't mean to hurt you... It's not you, it's me.' _Does any of that shit actually matter?"

I can't answer him. I don't think it _does _matter now... But at the time it had felt like the most important thing in the world.

"Bella," his voice broke. "How could you leave like that?"


	20. March 15, 2011

**Tuesday, March 15, 2011**

_There were some things that needed to be said even if the person you were saying them to didn't understand; words that must be released from their trapped place where their flapping to get out could cause internal damage. _-Patti Callahan Henry, _Between the Tides_

This was it. I'd put up with Bella's cold shoulder for four months now. After tonight was over, and Alice and Jasper headed back to their hotel, I was going to confront her.

It had taken a lot of work to make sure we wouldn't have any money issues once she started refinancing for the restaurant, but things were steady now that we had a good rhythm going. My professors were laid back enough to know I would get everything done so working full time for Ben wasn't an issue, and Bella was still putting time in at _La Campagna _on the weekends.

She and Jess put the downpayment on a venue last night and she came home as excited as ever. She had rushed into the room and practically jumped on top of me. She hadn't touched me in months and the moment she pulled away from me I could tell that thought also dawned on her.

She had cleared her throat and stepped away, timidly telling me the news before excusing herself to her bedroom which she didn't come out for the rest of the night.

Alice and Jasper arrived this morning for a previously scheduled visit. Thinking the timing was perfect, Bella arranged a celebratory night with everyone at which point she was finally going to tell them what she'd been up to.

All the secrecy had led to Alice cornering me in the kitchen about ten minutes before we were supposed to leave.

"All right, Edward. Spill."

I'd gotten to know Al pretty well over the past couple of years, and while I found her slightly terrifying, I couldn't ruin Bella's night like that.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on. It's practically clear as day."

_What?_

"Al, really-"

"Do you think I'm an idiot? The last time we visited you and Bella were all about the closeness. You might as well have been covered in velcro. Now there's practically ten feet between you at all times. 'Fess up. You guys are together. _Officially_."

It felt like the floor had bottomed out. I cleared my throat.

"Um, no."

She stepped backward, staring at my face for a few seconds before her expression turned appropriately embarrassed.

"But, I thought..."

She trailed off and sighed, mumbling a quick mess of words and what sounded like '_moron.'_

_So Bella had talked to Alice about me. _That had to count for something right?

After Alice stalked away from me, I possessed a newfound motivation for going through with my speech to Bella. I'd gone over the words enough times in my head that even if I didn't say them voluntarily, they'd be bound to spill out at some point anyway.

It had been Bella's idea for us to pile up in Emmett's jeep and surprise them by showing up at the empty venue, and after her announcement we would travel to a nearby bar and celebrate over drinks.

A knock on the door signaled Em and Rose's arrival which meant we were nearly ready to leave. I took a deep breath and made my way into my room to grab my coat. When I came back out, Emmett and Jasper were laughing by the door while Alice and Rosalie were forcing Bella to spin around so they could look at the back of her dress.

It was dark purple, almost black. It ended just above her knees which were now obscured from my view as she put on her red wool coat. _She never made anything easy on me._

The drive was short with Bella bouncing away in the front seat as the rest of us squeezed in the back. My body was squished between Jasper and Rosalie while Alice's little legs were half draped across my knees. She was sitting on Jasper's lap but her legs couldn't fit in front of her. Rosalie didn't seem to mind the closeness as she was too busy laughing at how annoyed Emmett seemed to be getting from having to take direction from his sister. The whole car lurched on a hard right turn.

"Jesus, Bella. Give me a little more warning next time."

I cracked a smile at that two while Rose and I shared an amused look.

"Sorry, Em! I'm just too excited. Oh, pull over here!"

He sighed and did as she asked.

As we got out and onto the sidewalk Bella was still vibrating with anticipation.

"So, guys... There is something very special about this building."

"It's got a Taco Bell down the street?"

Rosalie nudged Emmett in the ribs while whispering what I assumed was some kind of scolding.

"While a Crunch Wrap Supreme may be one draw, I'm hoping by this time next year that when you're on this block, you'd have a different type of meal in mind..."

Her smile filled me with a kind of warmth I couldn't put into words, though everyone else seemed pretty confused. Except for Jasper; he had an almost imperceptible smirk on his face.

"I would like to welcome you guys as the first guests at my _To-Be-Named _restaurant!"

I watched as all at one realization dawned on everyone. They practically rushed her.

"Oh my god, Bella, are you serious?" Alice squealed out before jumping on top her.

Emmett grinned and used his giant bear paw to muss up that beautifully curled hair of hers. Ever the entrepreneur major, Rosalie was rambling on about business plans and quotas as Bella laughed. I stayed several feet back, arms crossed, just observing the group of people who'd somehow become my closest friends.

Without my noticing, Jasper wound up standing beside me.

"Proud of our girl?" he asked.

I nodded.

"She's gonna do great."

He smiled.

"Yeah, I think we all know that. What about you? You'll be done with your masters next Spring. Are you gonna stay here?"

As if she could feel my gaze, Bella turned and looked at me through the chattering group around her and smiled softly.

"If she stays, I stay."

"Does she know that?"

I looked down before turning to him.

"She will. Tonight."

He threw an arm up, patting me on the back.

"Good for you, man."

"All right, everyone! To the bar!" Jasper shook his head at his wife's gleeful exclamation, but the smile never left his face.

I did all I could throughout the night to keep my nerves from getting the best of me. By the second round of drinks, everyone was much more relaxed. Emmett, who had become a bit of a lightweight since college ended, stood from the table after he finished his second jack and coke, proclaiming he _too_ had a very important announcement to make.

"This night is all about celebrating, so I didn't want to leave out what will probably be the best thing to ever happen to me."

I looked to Rose who was smiling fondly at him.

"I asked Rosie to marry me last night!"

_Holy shit._

"I just figured, when you know you know." His voice was loud and jovial until he looked down at Rose. "And I know."

Like usual, my eyes were drawn to Bella. She looked like she was about to start crying... But I couldn't quite tell if they were 'happy' tears or not.

"Oh! Weddings are so exciting! You just _have_ to let me do your dress!"

I could almost see the wheels turning in Alice's head with designs. Back when she was still in college, she'd inherited a small jewelry business up in Seattle from an aunt. She had turned it into her own dress shop and from what Jasper and Bella had told me, she had a pretty impressive list of clients.

"Oh my god, what a beautiful ring. Is it vintage?"

"Is that Grams'?"

I looked at Bella's face to see if there was any ill will. She'd been really close with their grandmother. My attention was drawn away as Rosalie nodded nervously but Bella smiled.

"I can't think of anyone better to wear it, Ro... But are you sure you wanna put up with that for the rest of your life?" she asked nodding in the direction of her brother.

Everyone looked at Emmett who had finally sat back down.

"Why is everyone always saying that? Doesn't anybody ever wonder who could be good enough for _me?" _Rose raised an eyebrow and he smiled. "You know I'm just kidding, babe."

She laughed and started talking to Alice about dresses while Jasper announced that the guys would go grab the next round. The mood was light as we headed for the bar. It was busy by a week night's standard so we each took a stool, in no real hurry to get back to a table that would now mostly be dominated by the talk of the upcoming nuptials.

"Have you guys talked about when you're gonna do it?" Jasper asked as he raised a hand in the air for the bartender.

She nodded and held up and hand indicating it'd be a while.

"Rose wants to wait until she's done with her masters. And she said she's always wanted a winter wedding... So probably not for a couple years... But I just couldn't wait to ask, you know?"

_I did know..._ But I wasn't sure Emmett was the exact person I should share that with.

When the bartender finally got to me, she seemed a little too keen on prolonging our conversation, despite still having quite a bit of line waiting on her.

"Are you from around here? You look kinda familiar."

"I am, but I've never been here before."

She smiled. She was cute. Her light hair fell in long waves against the black t-shirt she was wearing. As a few other patrons started heckling for her attention she pulled out a pen from her back pocket and scribbled something down before placing my drink on top of it. She winked and took the money I put down before attending to a group of women down the bar.

When I lifted my beer I saw several digits scrawled across the paper.

Emmett guffawed beside me and grabbed the back of my neck, effectively shaking my entire body.

"Way to go Eddyboy!"

I grabbed my drink and he took the napkin, waving it all over the place as we headed back to the table. I sighed and followed after him, hoping he wasn't about to do anything that would spoil my plans for the evening. Unfortunately as I approached that seemed to be _exactly _what he was doing.

"Guys, we just can't take Edward anywhere."

He tossed the evidence in front of the girls and Alice picked up.

"Oh, _Tanya. _What a _lovely_ name. Was she pretty?"

I shrugged and sat down. I was too busy searching for Bella's reaction to respond to Alice's jibe. Lucky for me, Emmett wasn't so preoccupied.

"Take a look for yourself. It was the bartender."

Three sets of eyes darted over to the bar.

"Not bad," Rose commented. "But I still think slipping a guy you just met your phone number is sleazy."

"Oh, I don't know," Alice countered. "Sometimes people gotta take a risk."

She was speaking to Rose but staring at me. I took a large sip of my beer and remained silent through the entire exchange. Eventually they grew tired of talking about it when Rose and Alice decided they wanted to dance.

It didn't really seem like one of those kinds of bars but then again, they didn't really care. They were three martinis in and ready to get on the floor.

"Aren't you gonna come, Bella?"

She laughed.

"Al, you know I don't dance."

She rolled her eyes.

"What about you, Edward? Maybe _Tanya _has a break soon."

I shook my head.

"No, thank you. I'll sit this one out with Bell."

The rest of the group walked away and I took the opportunity to move next to Bella. She looked nervous for only a moment before covering it up with a forced smile.

"So, are you going to ask the pretty bartender on a date?"

I smiled, looking down. _This was it._

"Nah... She's not really my type."

I looked back up when she started laughing.

"Edward, have you looked at her? That girl is anyone's type."

I stared into her eyes.

"Not mine."

The nerves were back, clear on her face.

"What's your type then?"

My fingers toyed with the rim of my cup while I mentally prepared myself for whatever her response would be.

"I seem to like brunettes. Preferably ones who have a hard time standing on their own most of the time."

I tried to keep from looking at her but when the silence hung between us a little too long, I stopped resisting. Bad decision. She looked like she was going to be sick.

"Edward..." _She didn't want me. _"You know I love you, right?" _But not the way I want. _"And I think you're amazing." _Not enough apparently. _"But I just don't think it would be... Wise... For us to be involved in that way."

_Why?_

"I just care about you so much... And there is so much between us that's perfect. I can't ruin that."

I couldn't tell if I'd asked the question aloud or if she just felt the need to explain herself.

"Bella... Can you tell me that you don't feel anything for me?"

Her eyebrows screwed up together and she looked away, shaking her head.

"Then I'll wait."

_I'd waited long enough. Showing her how effortless we could be together would hardly be any time at all compared to what I'd already done._

"Edward, you don't understand-"

"Bella," I cut her off and stared intently at her. Her cheeks flushed and I smiled because I knew I had to have some kind of effect on her to cause that. "Don't worry about me. You're worth it."

* * *

**AN: Thanks to everyone for sticking with me, and a special thanks to fallingsnow87 for making a beautiful banner for my story. :) More updates soon!**


	21. 5:46 PM

**Saturday, November 16, 2013, 5:46 PM**

_Couldn't you see that all my flippancy was only a mask, hiding my real emotions; crushing them down desperately? _-Noel Coward, _Hay Fever_

My head is pounding and I don't know what to do. He's stares, waiting, but my silence proves to be too much.

"Do you have any idea how that felt? To wake up and find you gone?"

The first tear is a catalyst.

"God, Bella. Do you have _any_ idea how long I've waited for you to open your eyes and _see_ me?"

The anguish in his face is tearing me apart. I close my eyes but the image remains. Cold fingertips brush against my neck. When I open them, he's so much closer. It makes it even harder to resist the urge I have to let myself fall into him. His hand moves upward, cupping my face.

"Bella, why did you leave?"

"I thought it was for the best."

"_Why?"_

I try to look away but his hand tightens its grip, urging me not to.

"Edward..."

He leans his forehead against mine and I lose the ability to think. My heart physically hurts. The cold air is burning my lungs as I realize just how much my breathing has picked up. My body is screaming for me to give in, to just let me have this. _Two inches and you could close the distance between you. Two inches and you could just _be _with him._

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, holding my breath. I need to regain focus.

_Nothing's changed. He doesn't even know what he's asking for._

"Edward," I say, pulling from his grasp. "This can never work."

He takes a step back, searching for something in my face that he doesn't seem to find.

"You really believe that, don't you?"

I nod and my own arms circle my waist, fighting the urge to step back toward him.

"I told you, Edward. I told you I didn't want to ruin what we had and now look what's happened to us."

"It's only happened because you ran away from me." I grip tighter to his jacket that's still wrapped around my shoulders. "Bella, why are you fighting this?"

A small sob escapes my throat but I stand my ground and stare straight at him.

"Edward, I'm not all the things you think I am." My voice cracks, but before he can say anything I keep going. "You've built up this idea of me in your head since we were kids, and I'm just not that girl."

He looks like I've just slapped him.

"Don't treat me like that, Bella. I'm not just some kid with a crush."

"That's not what I mean..."

There's so much spite emanating from him. Feeling like there's no good way to adequately explain myself, I begin to ramble.

"Say we were together, and you were great; everything was great... Eventually you would wake up one day and realize that I'm just Bella. I'm just the big sister of your best friend that likes to cook and take care of my boys. It's only a matter of time before you find yourself with all these great opportunities and you'll have beautiful women falling at your feet and then you'll realize that you've wasted so much time with that older girl you grew up admiring because you couldn't see how extraordinarily _not_ extraordinary she was."

He tries to step toward me but I counteract him with another step away.

"You'll see it sooner or later, Edward. You'll see that I'm not worth all that pain and waiting and you'll wonder why you ever bothered."


End file.
